When I was born, my father was stationed in England, and we lived in a house called The Timbers. Our house was in the middle of the woods, and our driveway was so long that the rubbish men refused to come get our rubbish bins from us and my brothers had to take it up the driveway. Our driveway was also covered with tree's, so dense that they covered the driveway completely in a tunnel of greenery. If you stood at the bottom of the driveway and looked back it looked like a dark tunnel with a tiny circle of light at the end. After fighting my mental self for the past six months, I am beginning to see the light at the end of my dark tunnel. I am having more good days than bad and when a topic comes up that used to put me in tears I just simply don't care. And believe me apathy is a much better emotion to feel toward the thoughts that would tear me down. It's like in elementary school when the boys would tease me, all they wanted was a reaction, and as long as I gave them that reaction they would pursue teasing me. But once I just didn't care, it wasn't fun for them anymore. That's how I'm starting to feel, I'm starting to feel like Satan is trying to get a rise out of me with the negative thoughts and feelings, but I'm not giving in and giving a reaction. I'm starting to feel immune to the thoughts that pop up in my head. I'm also starting to battle them back. I feel like I've got my self back!
There have been a lot of things that have gotten me back on track, and I would be truly ungrateful if I didn't mention them.
First is my wonderful husband. Even though I get exasperated with Jon sometimes when he's acting like the elementary school boys, I love him more than he will ever know or realize. He said something the other day that was truly profound; as we were discussing love and Liam, I mentioned how Liam probably doesn't understand love as the emotion, he just knows that I am the one to give him food, snuggles, change him, bathe him, dress him and do all of the things that he needs me to do. I sent this message: Just because you are dependent on someone doesn't mean you love them. Love is a chosen emotion when you are old enough to understand the feeling. To which my fabulous husband responded with: or maybe children understand the concept perfectly, forget it as they get older, and we spend the rest of our lives relearning what love is. Maybe as adults we want to quantify the unquantifiable. ~~~~~~~ holy chalupa! I really sat back and thought about his statement, I believe he is totally on to something there! Christ taught us that we need to be childlike, and I cannot think of any other attribute that sums up children perfectly. I watch my sweet baby boy, and he has no malice toward anyone, he is so loving of everyone, even random strangers who are sitting at another table, or pew, or bench. He always smiles at everyone and makes friends everywhere and that is an attribute that I really need to internalize and put into practice.
Next is my mother. She is the most amazing woman I have ever known. I know plenty of women say that about their mothers but I am dead serious. I love her more than anything, and I strive to emulate her in my role as a mother. She has always been my rock, and that person that I can always talk to. No matter what it is about, she is always there to listen. She is always willing to watch my son, so that if I need some time with Jon I can have it. She is one of my biggest supporters and I know that I can always count on her to listen and give me help with any topic or question. She is the first person I call when there is a problem, and she is the first person I talk to when I have a story to tell. My mom is simply the best.
After that is Rachel, I honestly don't know what I wouldn't do without my best friend. She is awesome. I love having our talks and being able to talk about anything..... and I mean ANYTHING! Rachel and I are always up to talking about the random, the crazy, and the fun! She is so good to my baby and Liam just positively loves his Auntie Rachel and Uncle Matt!
Finally, there is my sister and the Garcia's Girls. We have a blast every week, and it has really helped me shift my focus to the wonderful things that there is in life. I look forward to Garcia's nights every week, and it has really helped my mental state to be able to go to a place where I don't have to be perfect, or on top of things. I can relax and just be me. I don't have to worry about the faux pas of the world. It has been an amazing mental release of all of the built up anger that I had toward myself being with the awesome women of our Tuesday Nights Get Togethers.
I'm beginning to see the wonderful in life again, I'm starting to wake up and be excited about what I'm going to do that day. I've noticed that I'm not so quick to anger or annoyance or frustration, and that everything happens and I feel like I'm becoming more lax about everything and I can feel that I am not so uptight as when I was in my dark days. The days seem brighter and I feel lighter in my mood.
I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father has heard my prayers and is starting to give me the ability to fight back. He was keeping my stable and keeping my head above water-metaphorically speaking- but now I am starting to feel like I'm closer to getting back to my normal self. I know that He hears our prayers and that He answers them in His own time. I am so grateful that I have been blessed with wonderful friends, family and husband who have supported me and been there for me when I was feeling down. I don't know what I would do without The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in my life. I love where Jon and I are right now, Jon will finish at SLCC in August and then it will be 1 1/2 until he graduates with his Bachelors. I am SOOOO proud of him! He is an amazing husband and amazing supporter of our family. I have been so blessed that I was able to kneel across the alter of the Holy Temple and be sealed to him, and have our children sealed to us, for time and all eternity.
Those are my thoughts from today. Just a small update!
Mosher Clan!
Monday, February 18, 2013
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Blah!
We moved into our house over a year ago. And when we moved, we put all the extra boxes that didn't have a home in the spare bedroom upstairs-lovingly known as "the blue room". I thought that I would be on top of things and clean it out and organize it no problem! Then the months started going by and I started getting bigger and bigger and more tired, because, growing a child is mighty hard work! Then Liam was born and taking care of a child is even harder work! And now finally I've started working on it. Sadly, whenever we didn't know where to put something it went in there. So over this past year we've accumulated even more junk to go in there.
I've been organizing and cleaning and the hardest thing- throwing things away. Jon teases me that one day I'll be on A&E's Hoarders but in all honestly I am a packrat, the creative side of me sees things and thinks "hey! I can use that someday!" someday usually never comes and I'm just stuck with junk! I got an email from my relief society presidency saying that some of the kids in our ward are raising money for their Choir Trip, and the DI has said that for every full bag of donation items they will give $5! So that was my goal today! To go through all of the junk and see what could be treasures for others.
Jon and I managed to fill two and a half garbage bags full of donation items (mainly clothes that used to fit before marriage/baby was oh so good to us!) these are not just the small white garbage bags, these are the huge, black garbage bags that most people use to put raked leaves in. Over the course of the week I've filled three of these garbage bags with rubbish that will go to the dump. The sad part is I am not even half way done!! I'm trying to be ruthless and trying to throw the things away that I know or may even think we might not need but it is so hard!! Wish me luck!
I've been organizing and cleaning and the hardest thing- throwing things away. Jon teases me that one day I'll be on A&E's Hoarders but in all honestly I am a packrat, the creative side of me sees things and thinks "hey! I can use that someday!" someday usually never comes and I'm just stuck with junk! I got an email from my relief society presidency saying that some of the kids in our ward are raising money for their Choir Trip, and the DI has said that for every full bag of donation items they will give $5! So that was my goal today! To go through all of the junk and see what could be treasures for others.
Jon and I managed to fill two and a half garbage bags full of donation items (mainly clothes that used to fit before marriage/baby was oh so good to us!) these are not just the small white garbage bags, these are the huge, black garbage bags that most people use to put raked leaves in. Over the course of the week I've filled three of these garbage bags with rubbish that will go to the dump. The sad part is I am not even half way done!! I'm trying to be ruthless and trying to throw the things away that I know or may even think we might not need but it is so hard!! Wish me luck!
Monday, February 4, 2013
7 month Update!
My little one is now 7 months old! Yikes! Where did the time all go? It really is crazy to think that Liam is only seven months, it feels like he has always been a part of our family, and then the months have flown by! Here is a list of some of the things I have learned the past several months:
There is plenty more, but this is just a small list of what I've learned.
This month is an exciting one! I am starting up my piano and vocal lessons this month, and I am so excited to start working with my students! It will really be super fun, I really enjoy teaching, and if I didn't suck at theory so much I would want to get my degree in education. I can do the simple stuff no problem, but the really hard theory... yeah not so much.
I also got hired by Alyn to be her music director for Seussical Jr. at Syracuse Jr. High. We just got done with auditions last week, and they were so much fun! I really enjoyed seeing all the young talent, there are some pretty amazing kids! We cast the show and we have a meeting with the cast and the parents today, I am so excited to get started with them!
- No matter how prepared you are with diaper and wipes- you will still get peed on
- It is possible for your newborn to pee, spit up and explosively poop on you all at the same time. And it's only funny when it happens to your husband
- when you are at church and your newborn spits up all over your sleeve, no matter how much you may try to wipe it off you can still smell spit up and you pray that noone else can smell it. You are also thankful that you play piano in primary and don't have to interact closely with others
- no matter how many toys your baby may have, nothing beats that plastic wrapper on the floor
- Everything goes in the mouth, even if it's a random fry on the round and you have to wonder when the last time you had fries
- Your newborn baby may be fast asleep on you, even snoring- but as soon as you stand up to take him to his crib he immediately wakes up and wants to play
- When you are so frustrated with your baby because he is mobile and getting into everything while you are trying to do homework he can turn on his charm and just smile ad giggle and you can't help but laugh and smile back at him.
- Nothing is sweeter than being gone for a little bit and walking in and seeing him smiling at you
- You fall more in love with your spouse as you go through all of this together
There is plenty more, but this is just a small list of what I've learned.
This month is an exciting one! I am starting up my piano and vocal lessons this month, and I am so excited to start working with my students! It will really be super fun, I really enjoy teaching, and if I didn't suck at theory so much I would want to get my degree in education. I can do the simple stuff no problem, but the really hard theory... yeah not so much.
I also got hired by Alyn to be her music director for Seussical Jr. at Syracuse Jr. High. We just got done with auditions last week, and they were so much fun! I really enjoyed seeing all the young talent, there are some pretty amazing kids! We cast the show and we have a meeting with the cast and the parents today, I am so excited to get started with them!
Monday, January 28, 2013
Five Funerals are no Fun!
I have been to far too many funerals in my short 22 years of life. And this month has been my busiest month for funerals. I've had five funerals. Three were for people that I didn't know too well, but two of them hit very close to my heart.
My parents have had many friends over the years all over the world in their travels with my dad's career; and one of his very best friends passed away just after Christmas. Gordan Daley was such a wonderful man who brought so much life to everything. And he fought a hard fight for his life, but he was finally called home. He was also a Chief in the Air Force just like my amazing father, and my daddy was asked to speak at his funeral about the meaning of being a Chief. It was such a good talk; and I know that my mother, brother, sister and I were all in tears listening to him speak. One of the things that we took from another speaker was the fact that a group of them had a tradition to go to the local Sonic weekly and get a drink and spend some time with one another. My sister Stormy and I really liked that idea and we started our own tradition to go to Garcia's every Tuesday and get drinks and an appetizer. We have really enjoyed it because it's getting us to know each other better and spend some good time with one another. We even have our own waitress and we are her regulars now! She is awesome!! At last weeks outing, Alyn came with us and she got a drink in one of those fancy glasses, and I had mentioned how I wanted my Dr. Pepper in a fancy glass; now I didn't mention this to Natalie (our server), I had just mentioned it cause I thought that it would be cool. Well, Natalie had heard me and the next time she came out she brought me my Dr. Pepper in their biggest glass! it was huge!
The next funeral that hit me hard was one that came completely unexpected. I got a text from my old high school best friend saying that his nephew had passed away. So I called him and found out that his nephew had committed suicide; and my heart just sank. Dylan was only 12 years old and he was in 7th grade at Syracuse Jr. High. This was hard for me not only because I have known Dylan since he was 4, but it hit hard for me because my own nephew is his same age going to the same school. With a heavy heart, I went to his viewing and gave my condolences to the family that I had spent so much time with and had come to love like they were my own family. And then I went to the funeral the next day. No one knew of the hurt that was in him, no one knew of the sorrow that he had. His death was completely unexpected. His family was completely taken by surprise by it, and they are having such a hard time.
I don't even know if anyone really reads my blog, but it makes me so sad that there are so many who feel like death is their only option. Coming from my complete depressive state, I understand that that option is there. I felt for a long time that everyone around me would be much better off without me, and I sometimes would pray that I just wouldn't wake up. But I knew that there is so much more to life than the sadness that I felt right then. I saw my family and friends who loved me and knew that I couldn't do anything to jeopardize myself because of them. I remember in jr. high and high school, it seemed like that was all that mattered, and that the things that happened then were everything. But they are not. Life goes on after high school, who you dated or didn't date doesn't matter. What part you got in a musical doesn't matter, who you were friends with or wasn't friends with won't matter. Because you will find people who will love you no matter what. I remember thinking that my life would be much different after high school. I thought that I was going to marry someone completely different than who I actually ended up with, but I needed those experiences in high school to be better prepared. God has a plan for each of us, and there is no saying what will happen. We must have faith in him and know that his plan really is the Plan of Happiness. We may go through trials and struggles, but we always have to remember that what we go through is teaching moments. We must be humbled to become better.
I love that story of the footprints in the sand, and Christ promised that he would always be there, and in the end the person looks back and sees that there were only one set of footprints during their hardest struggles and they question why and remind Christ that He promised he would be with them forever. I always cry when the last part of this story is read and Christ tells them that when there was only one set of footprints is when He was carrying them. We were not sent to this life to fail, we were sent to this life so that we could be tested. I love that I have my knowledge of Heavenly Fathers love for us. We will see our loved ones again, family is the most important unit in the Gospel, because Heavenly Father wouldn't want us to be without our family, because He doesn't want to be without us. We are His Children, and He loves us and He wants us to succeed and be the absolute best person that we can be.
My parents have had many friends over the years all over the world in their travels with my dad's career; and one of his very best friends passed away just after Christmas. Gordan Daley was such a wonderful man who brought so much life to everything. And he fought a hard fight for his life, but he was finally called home. He was also a Chief in the Air Force just like my amazing father, and my daddy was asked to speak at his funeral about the meaning of being a Chief. It was such a good talk; and I know that my mother, brother, sister and I were all in tears listening to him speak. One of the things that we took from another speaker was the fact that a group of them had a tradition to go to the local Sonic weekly and get a drink and spend some time with one another. My sister Stormy and I really liked that idea and we started our own tradition to go to Garcia's every Tuesday and get drinks and an appetizer. We have really enjoyed it because it's getting us to know each other better and spend some good time with one another. We even have our own waitress and we are her regulars now! She is awesome!! At last weeks outing, Alyn came with us and she got a drink in one of those fancy glasses, and I had mentioned how I wanted my Dr. Pepper in a fancy glass; now I didn't mention this to Natalie (our server), I had just mentioned it cause I thought that it would be cool. Well, Natalie had heard me and the next time she came out she brought me my Dr. Pepper in their biggest glass! it was huge!
The next funeral that hit me hard was one that came completely unexpected. I got a text from my old high school best friend saying that his nephew had passed away. So I called him and found out that his nephew had committed suicide; and my heart just sank. Dylan was only 12 years old and he was in 7th grade at Syracuse Jr. High. This was hard for me not only because I have known Dylan since he was 4, but it hit hard for me because my own nephew is his same age going to the same school. With a heavy heart, I went to his viewing and gave my condolences to the family that I had spent so much time with and had come to love like they were my own family. And then I went to the funeral the next day. No one knew of the hurt that was in him, no one knew of the sorrow that he had. His death was completely unexpected. His family was completely taken by surprise by it, and they are having such a hard time.
I don't even know if anyone really reads my blog, but it makes me so sad that there are so many who feel like death is their only option. Coming from my complete depressive state, I understand that that option is there. I felt for a long time that everyone around me would be much better off without me, and I sometimes would pray that I just wouldn't wake up. But I knew that there is so much more to life than the sadness that I felt right then. I saw my family and friends who loved me and knew that I couldn't do anything to jeopardize myself because of them. I remember in jr. high and high school, it seemed like that was all that mattered, and that the things that happened then were everything. But they are not. Life goes on after high school, who you dated or didn't date doesn't matter. What part you got in a musical doesn't matter, who you were friends with or wasn't friends with won't matter. Because you will find people who will love you no matter what. I remember thinking that my life would be much different after high school. I thought that I was going to marry someone completely different than who I actually ended up with, but I needed those experiences in high school to be better prepared. God has a plan for each of us, and there is no saying what will happen. We must have faith in him and know that his plan really is the Plan of Happiness. We may go through trials and struggles, but we always have to remember that what we go through is teaching moments. We must be humbled to become better.
I love that story of the footprints in the sand, and Christ promised that he would always be there, and in the end the person looks back and sees that there were only one set of footprints during their hardest struggles and they question why and remind Christ that He promised he would be with them forever. I always cry when the last part of this story is read and Christ tells them that when there was only one set of footprints is when He was carrying them. We were not sent to this life to fail, we were sent to this life so that we could be tested. I love that I have my knowledge of Heavenly Fathers love for us. We will see our loved ones again, family is the most important unit in the Gospel, because Heavenly Father wouldn't want us to be without our family, because He doesn't want to be without us. We are His Children, and He loves us and He wants us to succeed and be the absolute best person that we can be.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Time Flies when a Baby Crawls!
I have been trying to figure out where to start this post, and after much deliberating I'll start where my last post ended off... Post Partum Depression has been the bane of my existence. I hate it, I hate not knowing how I'm going to feel the next morning when I go to bed. I hate being scared that the next day is going to be a bad day, I hate waking up and trying to make it a good day. My medication is working because it's making the bad days less frequent and less severe, but it makes it so that I don't know when I'm going to have a bad day. It also freaks me out when I have several good days in a row because I know that it's the calm before the storm and it's just one more wake up til I have another bad day. I am making progress, but it's difficult. All I can do is just keep praying that Heavenly Father will help me through the bad days when they come and put it in His hands. It's up to me to make the most of it, but I know that He helps me. I am able to lay down at night and as Jon and I are going to sleep I can talk to him about how the day has been, and I can tell him if it's been a good or bad day. Then I thank God that He sent a wonderful man to be my husband. I honestly don't know what I would do without Jon, he is so incredibly perfect for me and I cannot imagine life without him.
Alright! So I have Christmas Eve, Christmas, Boxing Day, New Years Eve, New Years Day and Liam's six month to cover.... so here we go!
We have been pretty sick at our house over the past couple months! First off, I got sick with a horrible, wicked cold. It was pretty bad. Then Jon got whatever I had got, and about two days into his illness I got better. Then I was good for probably three/four days and then I got sick again. Two sick parents and a busy baby is not a fun combo. Especially when all we wanted to do was sleep and all Liam wanted to do was play.
We have a couple traditions that we do for Christmas that Jon and I started while we were dating. The first thing that we started was going on a Hayride through Layton Park to see the lights. We have done it for the three years that Jon and I have been together and so we got Liam all bundled up and we went to the Burger Stop on Gentile and we purchased our tickets and then went and got on the trailer. Liam loved it!! He got super excited and was bouncing up and down with happiness. We also took him to see the Santa Claus at the mall, and we got some really cute pictures of that.
Christmas Eve, we went to Breakfast with Barb, originally we were going to go to Jeremiah's, but when we got there the wait was an hour and so we weren't about to wait that long. So we went to Ihop and we had a good time. Liam was happy to see Grandma, and he got showered with presents, which he enjoyed. After we came home and Liam took a nap and so did I as I was still feeling pretty sick. Then Rod, Sheri and the boys came and picked us up and we all traveled down to South Jordan for Christmas Eve with the Mosher family. We had quite the fun time. Grandma Mosher had set up a Christmas Program for the evening which included me singing Mary's Lullaby, and the reading of the Nativity. We ate food, enjoyed the awesome company of the family and then finally it was time for presents. Grandma gave Liam his present and we opened it up for him and it was a soft, giant, stuffed Elephant. Liam loved it! He grabbed onto it and cuddled with it and he had a blast wth playing with it. Rod and Sheri drove us home and we opened our Christmas Eve pajama's and our Christmas Eve Movie which was the Dean Martin Variety Show: Christmas Episode. Liam got a bath, and then he snuggled into his Christmas P.J's and then he went to sleep. Jon and I got into our P.J's and we watched our movie and then we went to bed. The next morning we woke up and we opened our Christmas presents and then we got in the van and drove off to Rod and Sheri's for Christmas Morning Breakfast. Liam got to open his presents there and fell in love with all of them. Then we went to my parents for Christmas Dinner: Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding... YUM! We opened up our presents and then relaxed for the rest of the day. Then the final present from Jon to me: Les Miserables tickets!!! We went to the movie theatre and we watched the movie. It was brilliant. Oh my gosh, I love it! I was not a huge Les Mis fan til a little bit before Liam was born, but we watched the 25th Anniversary Concert version and loved it. I was actually watching that in the hospital when Liam was born. Then we came home and all snuggled into bed.
The next couple days were slightly uneventful. Rachel, Matt, Jon and I hung out New Years Eve and then New Years Day, Rachel and I went to Les Mis.
Liam turned six months old on January 3, 2013! And so this is a run down of things that he can do.
* He can roll over tummy to back and back to tummy.
* He can sit up all by himself
* He eats very well and can feed himself finger foods
* He holds up his own bottle
* He sleeps through the night
* He smiles and flirts with every girl within his immediate surroundings
* A Week before his half birthday, he learned how to crawl.
* After learning how to crawl he now will grab onto whatever he can and use it to stand himself up
Yes, my baby boy is mobile! Life has been crazy since that revelation hit our home. Now everything that Liam can get into he does. He crawls all over the place now, and he is super fast. I cannot take my eyes off of him for a minute because the next thing I know he's on the other side of the room! It's crazy! But way fun!
Then on January 10, I had such an amazing experience happen. I got LASIK done. I am finally able to see without glasses or contacts. It was so crazy!! I went in and they got me prepped with booties on my shoes and a hairnet, and then I was given a valium which definitely calmed my nerves. I was taken into the pre-op room and they told me to take off my glasses for the last time. I removed my glasses and everything was fuzzy. Then they led me into the room and had me lay down on the chair/bed. Then they put tons of numbing drops into my eyes and proceded to create a flap in my cornea and reshape my eye with the laser. Then he put the flap back down and it was remarkable! I could see!! I was completely in shock! It was amazing! Modern technology is definitely awe inspiring! It's a new experience to be able to wake up and not have to put on my glasses or put in contacts. I can just see. I was really nervous for the procedure but then Jon and our neighbour Glen gave me a blessing the night before and I knew that everything would be good.
well that's about all that I have for now. I will write more soon I promise!
Alright! So I have Christmas Eve, Christmas, Boxing Day, New Years Eve, New Years Day and Liam's six month to cover.... so here we go!
We have been pretty sick at our house over the past couple months! First off, I got sick with a horrible, wicked cold. It was pretty bad. Then Jon got whatever I had got, and about two days into his illness I got better. Then I was good for probably three/four days and then I got sick again. Two sick parents and a busy baby is not a fun combo. Especially when all we wanted to do was sleep and all Liam wanted to do was play.
We have a couple traditions that we do for Christmas that Jon and I started while we were dating. The first thing that we started was going on a Hayride through Layton Park to see the lights. We have done it for the three years that Jon and I have been together and so we got Liam all bundled up and we went to the Burger Stop on Gentile and we purchased our tickets and then went and got on the trailer. Liam loved it!! He got super excited and was bouncing up and down with happiness. We also took him to see the Santa Claus at the mall, and we got some really cute pictures of that.
Christmas Eve, we went to Breakfast with Barb, originally we were going to go to Jeremiah's, but when we got there the wait was an hour and so we weren't about to wait that long. So we went to Ihop and we had a good time. Liam was happy to see Grandma, and he got showered with presents, which he enjoyed. After we came home and Liam took a nap and so did I as I was still feeling pretty sick. Then Rod, Sheri and the boys came and picked us up and we all traveled down to South Jordan for Christmas Eve with the Mosher family. We had quite the fun time. Grandma Mosher had set up a Christmas Program for the evening which included me singing Mary's Lullaby, and the reading of the Nativity. We ate food, enjoyed the awesome company of the family and then finally it was time for presents. Grandma gave Liam his present and we opened it up for him and it was a soft, giant, stuffed Elephant. Liam loved it! He grabbed onto it and cuddled with it and he had a blast wth playing with it. Rod and Sheri drove us home and we opened our Christmas Eve pajama's and our Christmas Eve Movie which was the Dean Martin Variety Show: Christmas Episode. Liam got a bath, and then he snuggled into his Christmas P.J's and then he went to sleep. Jon and I got into our P.J's and we watched our movie and then we went to bed. The next morning we woke up and we opened our Christmas presents and then we got in the van and drove off to Rod and Sheri's for Christmas Morning Breakfast. Liam got to open his presents there and fell in love with all of them. Then we went to my parents for Christmas Dinner: Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding... YUM! We opened up our presents and then relaxed for the rest of the day. Then the final present from Jon to me: Les Miserables tickets!!! We went to the movie theatre and we watched the movie. It was brilliant. Oh my gosh, I love it! I was not a huge Les Mis fan til a little bit before Liam was born, but we watched the 25th Anniversary Concert version and loved it. I was actually watching that in the hospital when Liam was born. Then we came home and all snuggled into bed.
The next couple days were slightly uneventful. Rachel, Matt, Jon and I hung out New Years Eve and then New Years Day, Rachel and I went to Les Mis.
Liam turned six months old on January 3, 2013! And so this is a run down of things that he can do.
* He can roll over tummy to back and back to tummy.
* He can sit up all by himself
* He eats very well and can feed himself finger foods
* He holds up his own bottle
* He sleeps through the night
* He smiles and flirts with every girl within his immediate surroundings
* A Week before his half birthday, he learned how to crawl.
* After learning how to crawl he now will grab onto whatever he can and use it to stand himself up
Yes, my baby boy is mobile! Life has been crazy since that revelation hit our home. Now everything that Liam can get into he does. He crawls all over the place now, and he is super fast. I cannot take my eyes off of him for a minute because the next thing I know he's on the other side of the room! It's crazy! But way fun!
Then on January 10, I had such an amazing experience happen. I got LASIK done. I am finally able to see without glasses or contacts. It was so crazy!! I went in and they got me prepped with booties on my shoes and a hairnet, and then I was given a valium which definitely calmed my nerves. I was taken into the pre-op room and they told me to take off my glasses for the last time. I removed my glasses and everything was fuzzy. Then they led me into the room and had me lay down on the chair/bed. Then they put tons of numbing drops into my eyes and proceded to create a flap in my cornea and reshape my eye with the laser. Then he put the flap back down and it was remarkable! I could see!! I was completely in shock! It was amazing! Modern technology is definitely awe inspiring! It's a new experience to be able to wake up and not have to put on my glasses or put in contacts. I can just see. I was really nervous for the procedure but then Jon and our neighbour Glen gave me a blessing the night before and I knew that everything would be good.
well that's about all that I have for now. I will write more soon I promise!
Monday, December 3, 2012
My Battle
This is a very hard post for me to write. Because this is so personal... and I wasn't going to write anything about this but as I was vacuuming today I was thinking about everything that has happened and I felt compelled to write about my experiences and my thoughts on the whole thing.
I was told once that the feelings of self doubt and worthlessness was the adversary working hard against you. Satan is very real, and he wants so badly to cause us to fall. It's not his mission to make us fail so completely though, it is his goal to make us not as worthy as we could be. If we are worthy to enter the Celestial Kingdom, he will work so hard and be content if we enter a lesser kingdom. In a talk by Richard G. Scott in the April 2000 General Conference he issued this statement: "Satan has unleashed a seductive campaign to undermine the sanctity of womanhood, to deceive the daughters of God and divert them from their divine destiny. He well knows women are the compassionate, self-sacrificing, loving power that binds together the human family."
The compassionate, self-sacrificing, loving power that binds together the human family. Think about that statement for a moment; my favorite part is the last bit, that mothers bind together the human family. Satan knows how important mothers are in the home, where fathers are the patriarch and leader of the home, mothers are the ones that make sure the rules of the patriarch are followed. We bind together the human family, so in a way, what I'm about to talk about makes sense.
85% of mothers experience baby blues after their baby is born, this can last one to three weeks after delivery. When a mother's baby blues last longer or start up after this amount of time and before six months it is considered post partum depression, which happens in about 25% of new mothers. I didn't get baby blues, but after I had to stop breastfeeding because of my school schedule, I developed post partum depression. It started off so inconspicuously, a day or two out of the week, I would wake up and not want to do anything that day. Then gradually it started getting worse, and I started gaining weight and getting more and more irritable; these symptoms I chalked up to the birth control I was put on. But then I would wake up and already be at a low-point, and I realized that something was wrong. I didn't want to say anything to anybody because we were studying depression in my Mental Health class, and so I thought that I could "fix" myself. I tried so hard to be ok, but I was feeling more and more worthless, and I felt like I wasn't a good mother, I wasn't a good wife, I wasn't a good daughter. Even when my own mother would tell me how proud she and my dad were of me, I wouldn't hear the good. The voice in my mind would remind me of all the things that I've done to make them disappointed, or remind me of what I've completely failed at. I would hear about the good, but all I could think about was the bad. I would play with my son, and take care of him, and I could see what a perfect little creature he is, and how he is such a blessing in our lives, but that voice in my head would tell me how I was a bad mom, and how I would never be able to take care of him fully, and how I wasn't good enough because I hadn't finished school and I couldn't stay home and take care of him properly, and how I wasn't doing the absolute best for him because I wasn't breastfeeding him anymore. And I would sit with Jon, and I started pushing him away because I hadn't lost my baby weight and I felt like I was completely unattractive, and how I was a horrible wife because I wasn't making sure the house was clean, or the dishes were done or my house was in order. I was waking up at a low point every day, I was going to bed at a low point every night, I was to the point where I would go to bed at night and I didn't want to wake up the next morning. I didn't care about my well-being. I started to have thoughts that the lives of every one around me would be better if I weren't in it. I knew that Liam would be taken care of by Jon and my mom, and so I wasn't concerned with myself. This has been my battle for the past four months. The anxiety in our home had gotten to an all time high and finally Jon and I had an argument that made me realize that I wasn't doing a very good job at hiding my depression and hiding my problem. So I finally went to the doctor and got help. Liam was never in danger because I wasn't far enough in my depression to cause him harm, but I was in danger of myself. And that scared me. This was the one thing that I was most terrified for, I knew that I could handle labor, delivery and recovery; I was just scared that I wouldn't have control over my mind and emotions.
It's been a week since I got help and I am doing better. My mother and I were talking and she told me about how in Relief Society they were talking about JOY and each letter of the word. J is for Jesus and how in him we find true joy. O is for Others, and by serving others we find joy. Y is yourself, because if you are not taken care of, you cannot take care of others. M. Russel Ballard said, "I surely know that there is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood". From what I know of depression from an academic view and personal view is that it affects your whole persona. It is a whole feeling of hopelessness, of self doubt, of worthlessness, and feeling as though you just are not worthy of anyone's love. From what I know of the adversary is that these are all tools that he uses to make a person feel less worthy of God's eternal love for us. A love that only a parent can truly understand, I didn't understand that love until I held my baby boy in my arms for the first time. Post Partum Depression to me is the adversaries way of trying to inch his way into a home. If he can break the mother, then he can break the home, because a mother's love is what binds the human family together. The number of women who get PPD has gone up dramatically in the past twenty years and I think it's just proof that the Saviour's coming is so close, because Satan is working so hard against families and he's working so hard to break the family up. I am so incredibly grateful that I have the knowledge that I have that families are forever and that we are sealed together. I don't know what I would do without my family. Every single member of my family has taught me something and has been an example to me. I am so grateful that I know the power and the completeness of the love of my Saviour, Jesus Christ and of my Heavenly Father and Mother. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be a mother and to start my own little eternal family with my best friend. Jon is more than I could ever hope for in an eternal companion and I am so glad that he and I have been sealed together. I am thankful for my son, Liam is such a sweet spirit that fills our lives with pure joy. He is the perfect first child and I hope that he never loses the traits that I see in him already.
This post was difficult to write but I hope that someone out there who reads my words will be able to get help if they are struggling. Like I said earlier, I wasn't going to write about my experience, I wasn't really going to tell anybody about it. But I felt like I needed to write it down, and the thoughts and words that I've written have just flowed to me. So I'm praying that the person who needs this will read it and get the help that they need because I know that I wrote this partly for me and partly for them.
I was told once that the feelings of self doubt and worthlessness was the adversary working hard against you. Satan is very real, and he wants so badly to cause us to fall. It's not his mission to make us fail so completely though, it is his goal to make us not as worthy as we could be. If we are worthy to enter the Celestial Kingdom, he will work so hard and be content if we enter a lesser kingdom. In a talk by Richard G. Scott in the April 2000 General Conference he issued this statement: "Satan has unleashed a seductive campaign to undermine the sanctity of womanhood, to deceive the daughters of God and divert them from their divine destiny. He well knows women are the compassionate, self-sacrificing, loving power that binds together the human family."
The compassionate, self-sacrificing, loving power that binds together the human family. Think about that statement for a moment; my favorite part is the last bit, that mothers bind together the human family. Satan knows how important mothers are in the home, where fathers are the patriarch and leader of the home, mothers are the ones that make sure the rules of the patriarch are followed. We bind together the human family, so in a way, what I'm about to talk about makes sense.
85% of mothers experience baby blues after their baby is born, this can last one to three weeks after delivery. When a mother's baby blues last longer or start up after this amount of time and before six months it is considered post partum depression, which happens in about 25% of new mothers. I didn't get baby blues, but after I had to stop breastfeeding because of my school schedule, I developed post partum depression. It started off so inconspicuously, a day or two out of the week, I would wake up and not want to do anything that day. Then gradually it started getting worse, and I started gaining weight and getting more and more irritable; these symptoms I chalked up to the birth control I was put on. But then I would wake up and already be at a low-point, and I realized that something was wrong. I didn't want to say anything to anybody because we were studying depression in my Mental Health class, and so I thought that I could "fix" myself. I tried so hard to be ok, but I was feeling more and more worthless, and I felt like I wasn't a good mother, I wasn't a good wife, I wasn't a good daughter. Even when my own mother would tell me how proud she and my dad were of me, I wouldn't hear the good. The voice in my mind would remind me of all the things that I've done to make them disappointed, or remind me of what I've completely failed at. I would hear about the good, but all I could think about was the bad. I would play with my son, and take care of him, and I could see what a perfect little creature he is, and how he is such a blessing in our lives, but that voice in my head would tell me how I was a bad mom, and how I would never be able to take care of him fully, and how I wasn't good enough because I hadn't finished school and I couldn't stay home and take care of him properly, and how I wasn't doing the absolute best for him because I wasn't breastfeeding him anymore. And I would sit with Jon, and I started pushing him away because I hadn't lost my baby weight and I felt like I was completely unattractive, and how I was a horrible wife because I wasn't making sure the house was clean, or the dishes were done or my house was in order. I was waking up at a low point every day, I was going to bed at a low point every night, I was to the point where I would go to bed at night and I didn't want to wake up the next morning. I didn't care about my well-being. I started to have thoughts that the lives of every one around me would be better if I weren't in it. I knew that Liam would be taken care of by Jon and my mom, and so I wasn't concerned with myself. This has been my battle for the past four months. The anxiety in our home had gotten to an all time high and finally Jon and I had an argument that made me realize that I wasn't doing a very good job at hiding my depression and hiding my problem. So I finally went to the doctor and got help. Liam was never in danger because I wasn't far enough in my depression to cause him harm, but I was in danger of myself. And that scared me. This was the one thing that I was most terrified for, I knew that I could handle labor, delivery and recovery; I was just scared that I wouldn't have control over my mind and emotions.
It's been a week since I got help and I am doing better. My mother and I were talking and she told me about how in Relief Society they were talking about JOY and each letter of the word. J is for Jesus and how in him we find true joy. O is for Others, and by serving others we find joy. Y is yourself, because if you are not taken care of, you cannot take care of others. M. Russel Ballard said, "I surely know that there is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood". From what I know of depression from an academic view and personal view is that it affects your whole persona. It is a whole feeling of hopelessness, of self doubt, of worthlessness, and feeling as though you just are not worthy of anyone's love. From what I know of the adversary is that these are all tools that he uses to make a person feel less worthy of God's eternal love for us. A love that only a parent can truly understand, I didn't understand that love until I held my baby boy in my arms for the first time. Post Partum Depression to me is the adversaries way of trying to inch his way into a home. If he can break the mother, then he can break the home, because a mother's love is what binds the human family together. The number of women who get PPD has gone up dramatically in the past twenty years and I think it's just proof that the Saviour's coming is so close, because Satan is working so hard against families and he's working so hard to break the family up. I am so incredibly grateful that I have the knowledge that I have that families are forever and that we are sealed together. I don't know what I would do without my family. Every single member of my family has taught me something and has been an example to me. I am so grateful that I know the power and the completeness of the love of my Saviour, Jesus Christ and of my Heavenly Father and Mother. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be a mother and to start my own little eternal family with my best friend. Jon is more than I could ever hope for in an eternal companion and I am so glad that he and I have been sealed together. I am thankful for my son, Liam is such a sweet spirit that fills our lives with pure joy. He is the perfect first child and I hope that he never loses the traits that I see in him already.
This post was difficult to write but I hope that someone out there who reads my words will be able to get help if they are struggling. Like I said earlier, I wasn't going to write about my experience, I wasn't really going to tell anybody about it. But I felt like I needed to write it down, and the thoughts and words that I've written have just flowed to me. So I'm praying that the person who needs this will read it and get the help that they need because I know that I wrote this partly for me and partly for them.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Thanksgiving
I really am truly blessed!! Life is such a crazy whirlwind sometimes
but in the end I love being home with my baby and my wonderful husband. I
can't believe that the last post of mine was Halloween. So much has
happened since then!! Liam had his four month appointment and got his
next set of shots. The nurses were so sweet even if they were poking my
baby with needles. And Liam was so adorable, he cried til I picked him
up and then he was all smiles all over again. I really do have a
wonderful baby!!
Liam is mobile!! Not super fast, but he's definitely able to scoot to whatever he seems to want. He can now sit up on his own, unassisted. He is eating like a champ and can't wait til he can have big people food. He will stare at whoever is eating and you can totally tell that he wants it so bad! He is eating with a spoon like a boss and it is his favourite past time!
This past month I have had auditions for my stakes production of Saviour of the World, and what an amazing experience that has been. We had auditions a couple weeks ago, and then preliminary callbacks last Sunday. And the next set of call backs is on the 1 of December, then we will get our parts. At the first call back they had me learn the parts for Mary and Mary Magdelene. So we will see how it goes. I am so excited that I am even being considered!!
We have officially started working on the Christmas Spirit in our home!! We made ornaments the other day with Liam's handprint. And we put up the Christmas tree and Liam and I listened to Christmas music while cleaning the other day. I also wrapped up Liam's presents from us, and Jon's present from me. I am so excited to spend our first Christmas together as a family!! I went shopping for our Christmas Eve pajama's and wrapped them up and then got a Christmas Movie and wrapped it up and tagged it for the Mosher Family! I am so excited!! We are going to have so much fun!
So the other day Liam and I had a pretty funny experience. Liam was hungry, so I made him some cereal and applesauce and he was eating, really well too, but he was really tired. So he was in the middle of eating and then all of a sudden, he started dozing. Oh my goodness, I tried so hard to not laugh, but then he closed his eyes and then his head just fell! He then woke himself up and started crying until I gave him more food, then he acted like a little hungry bird... until he fell asleep again. Only this time he stayed out and food was drooling out of his mouth. I have to admit, I went into the other room to laugh heartily for a bit and then I came back out to take him out of his high chair and put him in his crib.
Our first Thanksgiving as a family was a huge success. I ended up doing Thanksgiving for Jon's mom Barb and his brothers, which it ended up just being Chris. So I was researching how to cook turkey's for three weeks!! Well, the day came, the night before Thanksgiving, I brined my turkey and then made sure that I had all of the things for the next day. Then Thursday morning I woke up and prepped my turkey. I dressed it and then put it in the oven, terrified that it wouldn't turn out. But, five hours later, I pulled it out and it was amazing! It was falling apart, there was no carving needed. I went to cut the turkey and I pulled it off with tongs. It turned out so good. I was so happy with myself.
Liam is mobile!! Not super fast, but he's definitely able to scoot to whatever he seems to want. He can now sit up on his own, unassisted. He is eating like a champ and can't wait til he can have big people food. He will stare at whoever is eating and you can totally tell that he wants it so bad! He is eating with a spoon like a boss and it is his favourite past time!
This past month I have had auditions for my stakes production of Saviour of the World, and what an amazing experience that has been. We had auditions a couple weeks ago, and then preliminary callbacks last Sunday. And the next set of call backs is on the 1 of December, then we will get our parts. At the first call back they had me learn the parts for Mary and Mary Magdelene. So we will see how it goes. I am so excited that I am even being considered!!
We have officially started working on the Christmas Spirit in our home!! We made ornaments the other day with Liam's handprint. And we put up the Christmas tree and Liam and I listened to Christmas music while cleaning the other day. I also wrapped up Liam's presents from us, and Jon's present from me. I am so excited to spend our first Christmas together as a family!! I went shopping for our Christmas Eve pajama's and wrapped them up and then got a Christmas Movie and wrapped it up and tagged it for the Mosher Family! I am so excited!! We are going to have so much fun!
So the other day Liam and I had a pretty funny experience. Liam was hungry, so I made him some cereal and applesauce and he was eating, really well too, but he was really tired. So he was in the middle of eating and then all of a sudden, he started dozing. Oh my goodness, I tried so hard to not laugh, but then he closed his eyes and then his head just fell! He then woke himself up and started crying until I gave him more food, then he acted like a little hungry bird... until he fell asleep again. Only this time he stayed out and food was drooling out of his mouth. I have to admit, I went into the other room to laugh heartily for a bit and then I came back out to take him out of his high chair and put him in his crib.
Our first Thanksgiving as a family was a huge success. I ended up doing Thanksgiving for Jon's mom Barb and his brothers, which it ended up just being Chris. So I was researching how to cook turkey's for three weeks!! Well, the day came, the night before Thanksgiving, I brined my turkey and then made sure that I had all of the things for the next day. Then Thursday morning I woke up and prepped my turkey. I dressed it and then put it in the oven, terrified that it wouldn't turn out. But, five hours later, I pulled it out and it was amazing! It was falling apart, there was no carving needed. I went to cut the turkey and I pulled it off with tongs. It turned out so good. I was so happy with myself.
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