The Year Update on Postpartum Depression

As we are close to finishing out the year, I want to give an update on how life has been for me this year! It is with a smiling face and a happy heart that I can say that I have overcome the Postpartum Depression. I don't think I ever fully explained what had happened; I don't want to go too much into detail but basically, the birth control (an IUD) that I had chosen had caused my hormones to go completely out of whack. I dealt with the postpartum depression for about 8 months by the time that I had it taken out. The reason for me getting it taken out was not because of the emotional side-effects but because of the physical ones. I had developed extreme discomfort and would cramp so bad that I could barely function in daily activities, most days all I could handle was curling into the fetal position and crying.
Within the week of getting my IUD out, my cramping went away entirely, and within the month I felt so much lighter emotionally. Everything changed! My perspective on everything became better, especially on myself. For months, I had dealt with the thoughts and feelings that I was not worth much. I had dealt with the feelings that Liam and Jon's life would be better off without me; and that I was not important to my baby and husband. It was a really hard thing to go through life feeling like that for months on end. At the end of the month that I got my IUD taken out, I went to my doctor and he felt confident in taking me off of my anti-depressants.
The next couple months were still slightly hazy, because my body was recovering from having the anti-depressants in my system as well as phasing out the extra hormones that came from the IUD. But by May, I was feeling so much more like my old self! It was wonderful to not have to worry about whether or not I was going to wake up depressed, or if I was going to have those horrible feelings about myself. There were and are times where there are things that are said that push those horrible thoughts to the forefront of my mind, and I will have a down day. But those are few and far between, and I feel more confidant in talking to Jon about when these times happen and venting to him and allowing him to comfort and help me. This past year has been a crazy learning curve, and as much as I never want to go through postpartum depression again, I am glad that I had to endure the bad. It has made everything so much more sweet and made me realize that I really do have a divine destiny. My role as a mother and wife is of utmost importance and I would not give up this gift for anything.
Looking back on this year, I have learned so much, and I have grown spiritually and temporally.

Update on Liam:

• He has two speeds- asleep and running
• He is starting to make animal sounds- he does monkey, snake, owl and will click his tongue.
• He follows hand gestures pretty well. We do a routine where we will go "clap, clap, clap, UP!" and when we say up we make the touchdown sign. He also is getting good at blowing kisses, and he loves playing peek-a-boo.
• He loves to climb up and down stairs and open doors.
• He loves food. Any and all. Eating is one of his absolute favorite things to do. He loves PB&J sandwiches, tomato soup with toasted cheese sandwiches, ham, turkey, steak, eggs, sausage and basically any food that we are eating he will happily gobble down.
• He has several teeth now- after me fretting about him not having many teeth it was like we went from 0 to 10 almost 13 practically instantaneously.
• He knows how to use utensils- this came as a shock to us, we had gone to dinner to celebrate Jon getting a perfect score on his math test and we gave Liam a spoon and he started stabbing at the bread that we had given him, so we gave him a fork and he started using it! Shocking, but exciting at the same time.
• He knows what the potty is for- I am not pushing potty training, but the other day he was playing and he stopped and squatted and made that infamous face, and I told him that that was what his potty was for. So then the next thing I know he runs into the bathroom and sat on his toilet, diaper and pants still on and did his business. It's so funny to watch him figure things out. We'll see how things progress as far as toilet training. It's definitely a work in progress.
• He loves it when Jon chases him. He will squeal with delight and run down the hallway, then he will turn and chase us.
• He loves his movies, he is on a Mary Poppins and Ice Age kick right now. He has his own tv, and knows what buttons to push to turn on his movie.
• He is quite into dramatics. He is extremely good at being able to throw a tantrum when he doesn't get his way. 
• He takes after his dad and is very good at pushing boundaries. Which is very frustrating at times, because even after I have told him no he will continue to do whatever it is that I have just denied until I punish him. Some things he will stop immediately because he knows it is not worth it, but other things... when I put him in time out, he laughs at me.
• He loves Peppa Pig! We watch it on Youtube all the time!
• He loves to play the piano, he will jump up onto the piano bench and pound on the keys. He'll also sing for me too!
• He also LOVES the Christmas tree and the lights and decorations!

• He gets to go into nursery NEXT WEEK!!!! I cannot express just how excited I am for him to go into Nursery and to get little friends and to play with other kids! I honestly cannot believe just how fast time has gone by! My little baby is no longer a baby and he's definitely becoming Jon's and my little man!  

Low Fluid? What else is new?

I am feeling very blessed today.

On Wednesday, I had my anatomy scan to go through and check all of the baby's parts and make sure that it was developing the way it should be. We went through and saw that the baby had two kidneys, a four chamber heart, and two sides of the brain. As well as two arms and hands and two legs and feet. Everything was looking great for the growth of the baby... except one thing. My amniotic fluid was low. Now with Liam, I had this problem too; I guess my body just doesn't like to produce enough amniotic fluid. So, like with my pregnancy with Liam- I was sent up to McKay Dee Hospital to meet the perinatal specialist. I was diagnosed with oligohydramnios, or in common terms: low amniotic fluid. They didn't have an appointment open until yesterday morning at 10:30 am, and so they got me in as soon as they could. I was a little stressed out because my mother had jury duty and wouldn't be able to watch Liam, I thought Jon had work, and Sheri was busy til after 11 and I couldn't get a hold of anyone in my ward. I was telling Jon how stressed out I was becoming and he said that he didn't have work until much later in the day. I was so relieved! Now, all I had to worry about was bringing up my amniotic fluid. I read article after article online, which was probably both a bad and good thing because there were some people who had said that the mother needs to drink lots of water and stay hydrated- which I felt like I had been doing a pretty good job of, but I think I drank my whole body weight in water on Wednesday.
Thursday, I woke up and started to feel anxious all over again. I didn't want anything to be wrong with my baby. When I was pregnant with Liam, I had someone to go to the hospital with me so that I wouldn't be alone, this time I was all alone. Thankfully, I've done this before, so I knew more of what would happen. Knowledge is power. I made the drive up to McKay Dee and parked and then made my trek up to the fourth floor. So many memories flooded my mind as I walked to where the maternal fetal medicine section was. I passed where I was kept during recovery, and further down the hallway, I passed the window of the room that I labored in for 38 hours-part of me is wanting to request that same room when I give birth to this baby, and then I passed the doors of the NICU. I almost started crying as I thought of all the moments in there. I remembered making the trek to the NICU all by myself about a day after giving birth; I wanted to go see Liam, and Jon was asleep on the couch in our room, so I figured I could walk to the NICU by myself. What a stupid idea that was! I had lost so much blood during delivery and had been so weak from laboring and delivery that I really should have waited for Jon to wake up. I had to make several stops along the way, as the length to the NICU from my recovery room was a lot farther than I had originally assumed in my brain.
I got to maternal fetal medicine and checked in. I went back and they ran another ultrasound for me and checked the fluid levels. It was lower than normal and the baby's kidneys were holding on to extra fluid and so they were suspecting that there might be a blockage. I was scheduled for a follow up at 32 weeks to check levels again and the baby's kidneys to make sure that it has regulated itself. So, back to the hospital I go in February.... yay....
I am glad that everything, even though it isn't exactly what I would hope for, is ok. I'm glad that my baby is active and moving and that I can feel the movements! I am terrified and excited to be a mom of two. I am thankful that my life has gone in this direction, and I am so glad that I have my awesome husband by my side. He's pretty amazing!

Post Thanksgiving Post!

Wow, what a busy and fun week!!

I wrote a post the night before Thanksgiving, and I am so glad I did because I feel like we haven't had time to take a break since then! All of my family-minus Paul and Andrea-were here for the holiday! It was a riot!
We had my oldest brother Carlos, his wife, Elise and four of their six children. Jacquie, Nate, Trevor and Christy. Liam had a blast with Christy, but I think Nate was his actual favorite of his cousins! When Nate was around, Liam followed him around like a little puppy dog- and Christy, who is 7, played so nicely with Liam and would talk to him like he actually understood what she was saying.
Then there was Stormy and Scot, and Richard and Janet. Then Timy and Meagan made it out with their four week old daughter, Nola. She was adorable! It was so good to finally meet her! I forgot how little new baby's are! When Jon and I were coming home one night, Jon mentioned how little Nola was and I reminded him that Liam was a pound smaller than she was, and he said, "how did I ever feel safe holding him?" I just laughed because when you have a toddler the size of Liam, seeing little baby's puts things in perspective! Although, looking at Nola, and looking at Meagan, you really wonder where the baby was hiding! Meagan looks fantastic for just giving birth a month ago!
Thanksgiving was a fun day! I was put in charge of cooking one of the turkeys for the family, and so I got up early on that morning so that I could dress the turkey and then put it in the oven. I was so afraid of not hearing my alarm, however, that I spent most of the night up and I wasn't really able to sleep. I got the turkey all ready and we headed over to my parents house. It was a fantastic meal, even though my mum was freaking out that we didn't have enough veggies for everyone, but there was plenty to go around and enough for leftovers! It was really fun to spend time with the family. Jon later had to go to work, and so Liam and I spent the rest of the day with my family. Liam had so much fun playing with Christy that I even let him stay up past his bedtime.
The next day was Friday, Jon had to work that day too, so he left for work in the morning and I was going to spend the day at home getting the house ready to put up Christmas. Liam and I moved the couches and cleaned up the random items that happen to find homes under couches. We vacuumed and then as I was moving my music, there was a spider that decided to make it's home among my sheets of music. When I saw the little devil, I did a basic jig and screamed getting away from it; Liam saw that as his opportunity to copy me and jumped up and down and screamed a couple times. After killing the spider, Liam and I danced some more to Christmas Music. After we had successfully moved the couches and adequately cleaned we went on a walk around the neighbourhood! We didn't do a very long walk because my belly was starting to get tired by this point in time. So we finished our walk and I had just put the stroller away when my dad called me and asked me to come over so that they could change the tires out in my van. So, that was perfect timing! I loaded Liam up into his carseat and we headed over to my parents house. Tim and Richard swapped out my tires while my dad was helping Carlos with stuff with the car that he and Elise had bought while out here. Tim and Richard came in and said that it was a good thing that they switched out tires because I had about a month or two left on them before I would have been in serious trouble! How grateful I am for family members who know how to perform car maintenance!!
Later that day we had our family Christmas Party! Something to know about my family: we throw awesome Christmas Parties! Timy is always the M.C. and we always do Let's Make A Deal themed parties. This year we had lots of bags that prizes were placed in, and the family was all seated while Timy was conducting, well, Liam, who had been watching 101 Dalmatians in the other room, strolled in and saw the bags. He grabbed one and started running off with it, so Tim had to stop him and offer him something else. Liam immediately dropped the bag and happily took what Tim offered him and ran back into his room to finish his movie. It was truly hilarious and I wish that I had been recording it!
Saturday was an extremely fun day! Jon didn't have work at all! So we got up and he brought up the Christmas Tree and we set that up, as well as our stockings that my mother made for us. We realized that our tree was a little bare last year and so we went to Big Lots and we got some lights and tinsel for the tree! We also bought Liam's presents and wrapped those upon arriving home and Liam taking a nap. We decorated our tree with lights (although they were deceptively too short to wrap around our whole tree...) and we put tinsel up and then I also put tinsel on the mantle where our stockings are. I vacuumed up the loose pines that had fallen off of our tree, and then we relaxed. Later that night we went to dinner with Jon's parents and little brothers. On our way there, I was a little concerned because every time I would brake there was a knocking noise that was coming from the passenger side tires. So after arriving to Rod and Sheri's I made a mental note of it, then we went to Costa Vida and it was still making that noise as I braked. I was starting to feel really uneasy about this knocking noise, and so after dinner whilst on our way back to Jon's parents the knocking was louder, so I had Jon call Sheri and tell them we were having issues as I called my parents to tell them about the problem. I got dad on the phone as I was heading down the road to their house and got to Syracuse Jr. High and dad told me to pull over and he'd be there in a minute. So we pulled into the parking lot, and soon enough my dad was there. He did a couple things first to the tires and then I asked if he would drive it back to their house so that he could hear the knocking. So I got in the car with my mom and dad got in my van and drove back to his house. We get there and I get out of my mom's car and Jon tells me that the noise didn't come when dad was driving. So I got in the car and dad and I went on a drive together. It only happened occasionally, but it wasn't consistent so dad told me to bring it on Monday and that he would look at it when it was light out.
We went back to the Mosher's house and had some ice cream while Liam played with Hayden and Connor. After finishing up our visit, we drove home and the knocking didn't happen again, but it's still a little unnerving to me. So I'm glad that dad will look at it tomorrow.

Overall, I feel as though it has been a very successful holiday/week! I am so thankful for all that Heavenly Father has blessed me with! I am so excited to start the Christmas Season! This will be Jon's and my fifth Christmas together. I was thinking about it today and realized that we've been together since 2009, right after Jon got home from his mission! It doesn't feel like it's been that long, but it has! This will be the fifth Christmas that we go on the hayride to see the Layton Lights, the second since having Liam! I am so glad that he and I have these traditions together. I wouldn't give them up for anything!

Obligatory Thanksgiving Post

As we have arrived to the eve of Thanksgiving I knew that I needed to make this post before we get into the actual Thanksgiving Day.
I am truly grateful for so many things in my life. As I look back on this past year I realise that I was not mentally well last Thanksgiving. I had been hiding in my shell of Postpartum Depression and hadn't wanted to admit that I really was struggling as I battled my own personal demons. I remember being unhappy with so many things going on in my life, but it was only fueled by my unhappiness with the fact that I knew that I was not ok. So many emotions start to stir while I am writing this, but the most prominent emotion is overwhelming gratitude. Gratitude for my Heavenly Father, my husband, my mother and so many others that really helped me along the path to becoming better. It makes me sad to think that I went so long without admitting I had a problem.
This year is so much different! Which makes me so incredibly happy! I feel so blessed to have overcome what has been my biggest trial in my life. There are days when I do still feel somewhat like I used to, but it's never to the extent or the degree of where I've been. There are times when someone will say something that pushes me to that edge again, and I feel completely inadequate all over; but the sadness never lasts long and I am able to pick myself up again.
I am grateful for the support that I have had this past year in overcoming the Postpartum Depression. I think, Jon gets annoyed with me sometimes, because I constantly ask him if I'm acting better. But I just want to know, and make sure that I really am better. Because, he's the one who has to live with me so I better make sure that he is happy with me! Jon is my biggest supporter and I am so blessed to have him be my eternal companion. He is such an amazing man, and I appreciate every single little thing that he does. He is doing so incredibly well in school and I could not be any more proud! He is the most wonderful, attentive husband, and he is such a phenomenal father. The light in Liam's eyes when Daddy comes home is the most wonderful sight, and seeing Jon scoop up Liam in his arms makes me fall in love with him all over again.
I am thankful for my parents and for all the support that they give to Jon and I! They never cease to remind Jon how proud they are of him for all that he is doing and working so hard to achieve. I know that because of Jon's and my rocky courtship they were a little wary when we got engaged, but my dad has told me so many times how proud he is of Jon and how glad it makes him to see how much Jon loves me.
I am so thankful to be having a healthy pregnancy! I am grateful that I am experiencing this all over again! I remember how much I loved being pregnant with Liam and even though this pregnancy didn't start out wonderful, now that we are in the downward spin of it and I can feel the kicks, it makes everything a little bit more bearable. I also feel like I'm able to bond now with the baby because I can feel his/her presence rather than just knowing I was pregnant.
Of course, I couldn't leave this little guy out: My Mr. Liam. How this little boy has changed my life for the better. Not a day goes by that I don't marvel at something else that he has learned to do or something funny that he does. He is the most busy, fun, and adorable little boy ever! I am so lucky to be his mom! I don't understand how anyone could not enjoy being a mom, because this is the best job I've ever had! It's hard and it's downright frustrating at times, but it is so rewarding to know that he is my little boy and that he knows that I am his momma! Jon was playing with him the other day and they were playing with an umbrella, well, Jon opened up the umbrella and that scared Liam. What did he do? He came and hid behind my leg! Because he knows that I will protect him! It made my heart melt when it hit me that he knows that he is safe with me.

Well, there is so much more that I have to be grateful for, but this about sums up the most important! I am excited for Thanksgiving tomorrow and excited that I can put up our Christmas tree on Friday! I know that Jon would have an absolute fit if I had put it up any sooner! When we start making actual money and Jon has a big boy job I am going to decorate with the Grinch theme for Christmas! I'm actually really excited!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Father and Son

I love the dynamic that these two have. I may be Liam's mom, which is the best job in the world, but there is just something so sweet and so perfect about the love between father and son!

The first picture was at the zoo in 2012, and the bottom one was taken this year in 2013.

That's all... just saw these and it made me tear up.

A post about Mr. Liam!

Liam is far too smart for his own good. He has been loving his new bedroom set! I think he really enjoys the freedom that he has in his room, yesterday I was cooking dinner and he was playing happily in his room. Then he discovered that he can shut the door and I won't come open it. It was really funny. I finally put the sheets and blankets on his bed, so his room is almost all the way done. The last change won't happen until after the new Mosher-ling makes their arrival and we need the crib for them. I love that Jon was able to get his bedroom set from his parents house, because along with it came his dinosaur blanket that Grandma Mosher made for Jon when he was young. I think it's so sweet to use things that mean a lot to us and were made for us.

Daddy and Mr. Liam!

Those teeth get me every time!! Love this little boy!

Then on Sunday, we were already running a bit late for church, and Liam hadn't really made much noise and so I figured that we could just hurry and get him up and head out to church once we finished getting ready. Well... the time came and I finally went into his room to wake him up and get him dressed and ready for church. The only thing I saw first was his hand, and it was black, then I noticed that he had a sharpie in his other hand and that, that hand too, was black. The realisation had hit about where the black marks had come from and so I quickly asked for him to hand me the sharpie. He handed it over and I figured it wouldn't be that big of a deal because I could just wipe off most of his hands and then we could still make it to church. Then my eyes wandered down, and realised that there was much more that this little boy had coloured. Half of his leg from knee up was covered with black. At this point in time, I just laughed because what else is a 16 month old going to do with a sharpie? Thankfully, he hadn't coloured on the wall, that would not have been fun to clean up as he is now on the painted side of his room versus the carpeted side, I called Jon in to show him what his son had done and we had a good laugh. Then he noticed that his pillow and blanket had also been used as canvases.

He was quite pleased with himself! I hurried and looked up "what takes sharpie off of skin" and nail polish remover was the first thing that popped up, so I went and got my cotton balls and bottle of nail polish remover. Jon held on to him while I went to work, about two scrubs with a cotton ball was about all the cotton ball could handle, so I went through quite a few pieces of cotton. Liam sat still through most of it, which knowing him is not always the case, I had finally managed to fade it as much as I could and then I went and started the tub running so he could take a bath. He happily splashed in the water and then I got him out once his playing had started to subside and he started splashing water outside of the tub. I got him all dried off and then we went into his room to put on some clothes, after putting new clothes on him he started playing in his room. Since Jon and I had missed half of sacrament we decided to just hang out until it was time to go to classes, so he sat in Liam's rocking chair and I sat down on his new bed and we were throwing a ball back and forth to each other while Liam played. Liam found the cotton balls and brought the bag to me, I took one out and handed it to him and he proceeded to try and wipe his leg with the cotton ball. It was pretty cute to see him trying to do what I had been doing earlier. So I praised him and told him that he was very smart and that is what we were doing.

Another thing that anyone who knows Liam can attest to, is that this little boy doesn't sit still. Ever. He is always going and exploring and being curious and getting into absolutely everything! The other day, he came and sat down next to my mum and I on the couch, and he rested up against her, so naturally she started rubbing his belly. He decided that he really liked that, and kept trying to find a new comfortable position so that she could rub his belly.

Look how calm this kid is right now??

Then, as he was moving around, my mum positioned him so that she could scratch his back. At first, because he was really enjoying his belly being rubbed, he fought it- and then you could see in his little face, his realisation that back scratching is really nice too! So he happily laid down and allowed her to keep scratching his back. He then fell asleep! I love it when he sleeps! He just looks so peaceful!

And he's out. We were trying so hard to choke back laughter because of how much he was enjoying it.

Needless to say, I love our little boy! He brings so much happiness to all of us, and he always manages to make us laugh. He is so creative and loves to explore all around him! He is such a sweet kid who makes my whole day brighter! I love being his mommy, and I know that he is going to make such a fantastic big brother to his new little sibling!

The never written post about Pirates of Penzance

Have you ever had an experience that was just completely awful that you just couldn't really talk publicly about for awhile? Well... that was this past summer for me. I really wanted to do a show, and so Jon and I found a cute little theatre that was close to us that was holding auditions for a show called Pirates of Penzance. I've heard of the show, but I'd never seen it nor been in it; Jon and I thought it might be fun to do together and so we got auditions ready and auditioned. I had read through the show briefly before auditioning so I knew the characters and whatnot, and I was so sure that I would be cast as one of the sisters. Imagine my surprise when I was double cast as Mabel, the lead. I was pretty excited, but that excitement was short lived. As Jon and I started the rehearsal process we quickly learned that this was not like any show we had ever been in. There was absolutely no discipline whatsoever and our directors seemed to not really know what they were doing. People seemed to come and go as they please and as we got into music rehearsals we were only taught the melody which I found completely ridiculous because I've been able to teach harmonies to choirs in an hour, but they said that we didn't have enough time to learn all of the harmonies because we only had a month to do rehearsals, but considering that we were called to rehearsals for a good three to four hours every night it seems stupid and lazy on the directors parts to not do their job of teaching us, so I took it on myself to learn the alto line since that seemed that that was going to be our only harmony in the show. Our directors decided that their idea of doing things for this show was to make it as "janky" as possible. So they would make inside jokes about everything. They had cross dressers for the pirates and the daughters which was a stupid idea, they decided that it would be funny to make our set out of cardboard, and make it look as ugly as they possibly could. We had no blocking or direction at all except to make it "as janky" and "as funny" as we possible could. The lead male was the brother of one of the directors and a junior in high school who couldn't make it to half of the rehearsals so not only did the other Mabel and I have to learn all of our parts without him when he finally did grace us with his presence we each only had a short time to actually work with him. It really was run horribly.
The pirates were made up of mostly young men (14 year olds) who didn't know how to control their impulses and said ridiculously stupid things and made idiotic comments most of the time. And the sisters were compiled of two girls that we became pretty good friends with and two girls who were very much adults (one was 20 and the other was 23) who did not like the rest of us, and who found enjoyment out of sitting on the laps of the 14 year olds and taking 'cutsie' pictures and getting attention from these boys who were much younger than them. It was extremely creepy to see grown women acting like school girls with these young boys. These girls couldn't stand a friend of Jon's and mine, and later we found out that they were telling everyone that we would bully them and were just so mean to them which never happened from my perspective because they wouldn't even look at us, nor talk to us. So I don't understand how we could have bullied them when they gave us the cold shoulder for all of the rehearsal process and performances.
Considering that our set was made out of cardboard (very horribly I might add, but apparently that was the "vision" that our directors were going for) and we were not disciplined whatsoever, and our music was horrible, and we had no direction at all. I was very embarrassed to be part of this show. Never before have I been so ashamed of a show that I've been a part of. Pirates of Penzance is actually quite a funny show, if you understand that type of humour. It's dry and extremely witty, but our directors changed so much to add in their own inside jokes and took out a lot of the smart humor. It's a funny show, but they degraded it and dumbed it down so much that it was not even funny anymore. It was just incredibly stupid. But of course half of our cast had not ever been a part of a truly well run production and so they thought that our directors were doing a fantastic job, and I feel so blessed to have worked with directors who actually know what they are doing and talking about, because you have to have the bad to truly appreciate the good.
Notes for rehearsals were also a complete joke, they consisted of nothing that we needed to actually work on, even though those of us who have really been in shows could see all of the blatant mistakes and wrongdoings going on with the whole show. What notes mostly entailed was how "amazing" we were and how our directors "nearly had a heart attack and died because it was so funny" and there was nothing that was actually note worthy, and yet, they managed to drag notes out for about an hour to two hours bragging about all of the things that they had done in previous shows and joking around with the brown nosing male lead who had a very creepy relationship with our director (not his brother) even though he claimed to have a girlfriend. It got to the point that Jon and I would just leave during the notes sessions, because they would just blather on for hours, and we had Liam with a babysitter at our house, so there was no way that we were willing to stay to listen to their idiotic statements about how amazing they were and just boasting themselves up til midnight or later. So it got to the point where Jon and I would leave after rehearsal because there was absolutely nothing that was worth staying for.
 Our directors said at the very last rehearsal we had that they "turned the show over to us and they were no longer a part of it" So when Jon and I walked in the day that we were going to be opening our Major General handed Jon a can of spray paint and told him to go and add colour to what was supposedly a fountain. The group of us (which was a little more than half) that were not pleased with what was going on decided that since our directors had chosen not to be a part of the show that we would take matters into our own hands and so we banded together and Jon built a completely new set, and I painted it. It was definitely not our best work at all and had we had more than a couple days to build something it would have been much better, but we did as best we could in the time allotted. Of course, when the rest of the cast showed up the few who still believed that our directors did a fantastic job were not happy that we had taken liberties to change the set. That's when the coldness became even more icy, but honestly I didn't care. I'd have done it again. It's not fair for directors to make it so that their cast cannot be proud of the show that they are going to put on. I'm sorry, but when the main adjective used to describe a show is "janky" it's not going to be a good show or even a show that is going to deserve any kind of effort. I didn't give my all for any part of the show, and that kills me! Because I know that I didn't perform to my best ability and that makes me mad, to this day.
I definitely know that I am grateful for Alyn and for the way that she has taught me and how she is mentoring me right now! I learn more from her in one rehearsal than I did in the entirety of that show. This isn't even all of what went down with the show, but it's far too much to put into one blog post. I just know that I am past the point of being completely angry about it and so I needed to write down the experiences. Because even though it was the absolute worst show I've ever been a part of, I do need to be grateful that I had the experience so that I can truly appreciate all of the good shows I'll do in the future!