Our June in Pictures!

 These are skull socks that my brother sent me when Liam was born. He is finally old enough to wear them, and of course they match perfectly with his new Cookie Monster shoes right? 

 This is my daddy and Liam. Liam moved his chair over to where my father was and made sure that he had a drink just like papa!

Jon and our cute little Duncan taking a nap! Jon is so stinking adorable with both of our children, and I could not have asked for a better husband!

 My little stud! We were trying on Sunglasses at the store and he tried on a pair of aviators! Just like Daddy!

 Liam and Uncle Scotty! Scot will come over and help me out sometimes in the morning now that it's summer break and he's such a huge help, because he will play with Liam all day long and I'm able to get some work done!

 Jon and Duncan! Such a cute pair!

 Liam and I on my birthday! We went to Target and he found a hat that he loves and refused to take off! It was a battle to let the checkout lady scan it!

 My MOBY wrap that Jon got me for my birthday! I was so happy to finally have a way to hold Duncan without having to hold Duncan. He loves it and I love it!

 Jon, Duncan and I! How I love this man!

 This is Dr. Johnson! He's the man that delivered Duncan. I was so grateful that I was able to find another Doctor that I loved as much as Dr. Hall! As sad as I am that Dr. Hall retired, I am so grateful that I was able to get in as Dr. Johnson's patient!

 Look how strong my little man is getting!!

 Before the opening prayer had even been said, Duncan spit up on me THREE times! Three!! I was completely saturated in baby goo... Gross!

 We took Liam and Duncan to This is the Place park. And he loved it! This shot was too cute not to get! I love how Liam will hold our hand everywhere we go!

 Liam loved riding the pony! He went twice!

 One thing that Liam loves to do is play in water! So I fill up the sink with warm water and bubbles and give him measuring cups and spoons and let him have at it! He gets the area VERY wet, hence why he is in just a diaper. I actually hate it when kids run around in just diapers.

 Downward Dog Position!

Liam's little hand in mine. It's so sweet when we sit and watch Bubble Guppies or Little Einsteins or Peppa Pig and he will just hold my hand. These moments I will cherish forever!

 Duncan's smile! Oh my goodness. I love when he gives me smiles and coos! His giggles are pretty cute too!

 Me and my two little boys! I love them so much and I am so lucky to be their mommy!

 This look was so funny! Duncan was nursing and he was staring at me the whole time! He is starting to become very aware of his surroundings!

 Liam and I the other day lounging around downstairs doing some laundry!

 Duncan and that thumb! He loves it!

 I love when Jon will nap with the baby! They look so adorable and Duncan is definitely comfortable. He loves his daddy!

My niece Jacquie and nephews Nate and Trevor with Duncan. Liam absolutely loves Nate! And my other niece Christy. Liam and Christy are inseparable, only because Liam won't let her out of his sight!

 Liam laying in Duncan's bouncer. He is so funny!

Blessing Day!

Yesterday was a wonderful day! Our second child was blessed! We were originally going to do it the 1st of June but my brother was coming into town this weekend and so we decided to do the blessing yesterday. There weren't as many people who were able to attend this blessing as there were for Liam's blessing, but it was so wonderful regardless, and we chose not to do a luncheon afterward so there really wasn't that much stress in providing food for a bunch of people. A couple years ago when Liam was getting blessed I went to Jimmy's to order a baby boutonniere, they apparently had never done that before and so they didn't know how much to charge me. It came out to be about two dollars. When I ordered them this year, I had made a trend and it was a lot more than two dollars AND the boutonniere's had magnets on them now! With Liam I had to find a giant safety pin so that we would poke him and the flower was huge! The flowers were the absolute perfect size now and it was very safe! I got Liam, Jon and Duncan boutonnieres and they looked wonderful! Of course, me being the scatterbrain that I am, I forgot to get a picture of Duncan and Jon and Liam all together, but I did get some pictures of Duncan!
The men that participated in the circle were: Rod Mosher, Jeff Thompson, Cameron Johnson, Nate Barton, Carlos Salazar (brother), Carlos Salazar (my father) with Jonathan Mosher giving the blessing. It was beautiful, and I cried. Our little family is so complete!!

Our little Duckling before the meeting started. I was so nervous that he would cry for the blessing, but he was quiet!

Eek! so cute!

Postpartum Depression Thoughts

OK

Those two letters put together are said more often than not. After dealing with Postpartum Depression after Liam's birth two years ago I hear this word all the time. At first it was me saying it after someone would ask how I was, "Oh, I'm doing ok". Then it was Jon telling me that I wasn't ok. Then it was me telling my doctor that I wasn't ok. Then it was everyone around me asking if I was doing ok and I was telling them that I was ok. When I got pregnant with Duncan the question of choice was, "do you think you'll be ok this time around", and now that he's been around for a couple months the question pops up occasionally now: "are you doing ok?"

I cannot tell you how many prayers I said to Heavenly Father that I would be ok after Duncan's birth. How many journal entries were basically just my fears of having to deal with Postpartum Depression again. When Liam was born, he was a very easy going baby; he didn't care if he was being held or put down, he loved to just be. He's been a go-getting from the time that he was little. There was one night I remember when he just would not stop crying. I remember rocking him, and patting his bum, and singing lullabies- I remember trying to feed him, and change him and just everything I could think of to soothe his cries, but nothing worked. He just cried. Then I cried because I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. My best friend Rachel came over, unannounced as we hadn't made plans to get together and found me in tears rocking my baby in his room. She took him from my arms and told me to go take a shower. So I did. She is my best friend. Apart from my mother and husband, she is the one that I trust the most with my children. I remember with Liam, I felt completely overwhelmed, even though he was only one child- I felt completely burdened down. I remember that getting up to make him a bottle was pretty much the only thing that I could handle some days, and we would just lay in my bed because I couldn't bring myself to get up and all I wanted to do was sleep. I remember the days starting to get darker, not literally but it seemed as though everything around me was in a fog and I couldn't really see past my own hopelessness. I remember feeling ashamed, guilty, mad at the fact that I was completely surrounded by people who loved me and I still felt overwhelmed. I would think about my mother and how my father was in the Air Force for 32 years, and so for 32 years and five children she was basically a single mother, I thought about real single mothers, and those who didn't have a support system at all, and I felt ashamed and guilty that I felt like I was barely holding on even though I had a wonderful husband and family and friends who were willing to help me in any way possible. Jon and I getting into that argument was the best thing possible, even though when he told me that he thought I was depressed it was like a cold slap in the face. It was just the push I needed to finally get help. Postpartum Depression didn't rear its ugly head until Liam was about five weeks old and at that point, I probably could have gotten past it, but with the birth control that I chose it emphasized my baby blues to full blown depression. 

So, here are the things that I learned from having Postpartum Depression:

1. It will get better- I cannot emphasize this one enough! If you are willing to accept the fact that you have a problem, it'll get better each time you own up to it. When Jon said that he thought I was depressed and I finally said it out loud, I felt a huge weight lift off of me.
2. It won't go away immediately- That first month of being on anti-depressants was rough. There were many ups and downs and there were still days where I would just lay in bed. 
3. It's ok to need help- I remember being a new mom and needing to take care of my baby, but also take care of my dishes, laundry, kitchen, bedroom.... and the list goes on and on. I wish so badly that I had put away my pride and called my mom to ask for her help in cleaning.
4. It's ok to ask for and accept help- There were many times that my mother would text me and ask if I needed her to come help me clean the kitchen. So many times I turned her down because I didn't want her to see how bad I had let it get. Again with that pride thing! 
5. Talking about it is good- I remember when I first had been diagnosed I tried to hide it from everyone because I didn't want people to think that something was wrong with me. Most of the time when people hear about postpartum depression it's when horrible things have happened due to postpartum psychosis, rarely do people speak up about a problem that is at your very core. Sometimes I feel weird talking about it still, as I don't want people to think that I made it up, or am trying to get attention. I honestly don't want anyone to go through what I did so I talk about it, and I let people ask me questions.
6. Having Postpartum Depression does not mean you are a bad mom- This was my biggest fear when I was in the deep of my depression. I remember having thoughts that I was a horrible mother, and that Liam didn't need me as his mom because there were other women in his life who could assimilate that role and that he would be better off without me. The only reason I never hurt myself was because every time I thought about it, I would think about the consequences and the one that stood out the most was that I would get my baby taken away and that I wouldn't be able to ever see him again. Extreme, but that was what my conscience would tell me when I was battling my own mind.
7. There will be flashbacks- I cannot even count how many times someone would say something and it would take me back to my dark days. I would just sit and cry.
8. It's therapeutic to cry- There are times even now when I think back on those times and it really does make me sad that I allowed myself to feel so hopeless. What people don't understand unless they've been through it is you can't just turn it off and on. It's something that affects your whole persona and nothing you do can "fix" it. Many a cry session has been made in the comfort of my bedroom alone.

Duncan has been a much more difficult baby than Liam so far. He's very cuddly and he hates to be put down, he has a fussy time of day in the evening and will literally scream the whole car ride home from my mothers house (15-20 minutes). Today, I had to stop by Wal-Mart to get Liam new diapers. Duncan cried to Wal-Mart, he cried in Walmart, I had forgotten stuff at my mums so I had to go back and he cried all the way back there and then cried all the way home. It was a good 45 minutes of him just screaming. By the time we got home, I had a huge headache from listening to him scream and I told Jon that I didn't want any more babies! But even in all of that, I didn't feel like I had with Liam two years ago. I was frustrated, I had a headache, it was more than enough birth control for me, but I didn't feel overwhelmed or hopeless because I couldn't make him stop screaming. I was glad that Jon was home so he could hold him and I could pop a Motrin, but the feelings of no self worth were not there. I hated going through PPD at the time, and at the time I would have given anything to have never felt like that ever. But now that I'm on the end side of it, I am grateful that I had to endure that trial. I feel as though it gave me a better appreciation for my children, and for my own mother who chose to have 6 children and WANTED more! I tell everyone who asks about my pregnancies and children: if I had had Duncan first, there would not have been a second! Liam spoiled me, and even now when he makes me want to pull my hair out from frustration, he is the sweetest, most loving, hilarious little boy. And I wouldn't give him up for anything! Duncan is turning out to be a hard infant but I love him so much and I can't help but smile when he gives his gummy baby smile and lets out his little coos and baby giggles for me. He's going to be my snuggler, and as outgoing and charismatic as Liam is, Duncan is going to be the sweet, soft-spoken one who is just content to be in Liam's big shadow. It's amazing how two little boys who were created by the same two people turned out to be so different. I'm also hoping that since Liam was a freakishly easy infant who turned into kind of a terror of a toddler that Duncan will be my difficult infant who will actually listen and follow directions as a toddler. Who knows?

Everyone I talk to, who knows my story always asks the same question, "how are you?" 

and I can honestly say now, 

"I'm ok!"

June update!

um... wow. So much to write about!

Duncan is two months old now! We went to his two month check up and he weighed in at 12 pounds 9 ounces! That is exactly four pounds gained from birth, in two months! Time goes by so fast, especially with a busy toddler and a newborn!

About a month ago, the latch on pain while breastfeeding had gone away for about a week, and then all of a sudden nursing hurt again. I didn't know why, and I just assumed that it was because Duncan was getting lazy with latching, so we worked on the latch pretty much nonstop during nursing sessions, but the pain wasn't getting any better. I finally called the lactation consultant and she didn't answer so I left a message. Then that night, Duncan woke up at four to nurse and after he had finished on one side, I burped him. And it was not normal spit up colour, I made Jon turn on the lamp as I was just using the light on my cell phone and when he turned on the lamp we saw that Duncan had spit up blood. Nothing I write could adequately describe the fear in my heart as I patted his back again and watched as more blood came out of his mouth. I immediately called my mother to come and sit at the house for Liam as Jon hurried and put clothes on for us to take him to urgent care. Jon put him in his carseat and got in the van and left, while I waited at the house for my mother to come. She got there pretty fast, and I got into the Taurus and pretty much sped the whole way to urgent care. He had already been taken back by the time that I got there and so I went back into the room and he was laying on the table, just as content as could be. The nurse was taking his temperature and doing the nursly duties. Then the doctor came in and examined him. Upon looking in his mouth he said that Duncan had thrush, and that it most likely had caused little tears in my breast that his sucking would open up. He prescribed nystatin to both Duncan and I and then told me to keep breastfeeding him. We took our baby home relieved that nothing seemed too horrible wrong. Breastfeeding hurt like none other for the next couple of weeks, it was toe curling, make me scream and cry pain. I pumped one bottle and that made it worse and watching Jon feed that one bottle to Duncan was really hard for me because I didn't want to start giving him bottles this early. It was consoling to me that Duncan absolutely hated the bottle and didn't want to drink from it. That definitely made me feel a ton better!! At his two month appointment, the thrust hadn't completely gone away and so the doctor prescribed diflucan to kick it to the curb. And now I can't see white patches in Duncans mouth at all!

Liam is like an explosion from the time he gets up to the time he goes to bed. Nap time and Bed time are my favorite times of the day! He can say all sorts of words now and getting him to say them are pretty cute!

Words Liam can Say!
1. Uh-oh: this is one of his favourites! He says it almost every opportunity he can. And it's so stinkin cute!
2. Oh-no!: this is one of my favourites! He just sounds so defeated when he says this! The other day I heard that he was playing in his room and so I went and looked in on him, and he had dumped all of the dirty clothes out of the basket and was sitting in his basket. Upon seeing me, he looked around and said, 'Oh no...." it was the most adorable thing ever!
3. Choo-Choo: Jon first heard this one while at the Treehouse!
4. Two: Liam loves to count, but only count two. We'll watch him set things aside saying, "two... two... two..." it's adorable! He also knows that he's turning two next month!
5. Ah-choo: He loves to pretend to sneeze!
6. GO!: This usually goes along with two- "two, two, two.... GO!"
7. What are you doing?: It's more slurred together but it's pretty cute!
8. Where are you going?: Same as above
9. Hewwo: His version of Hello. He sounds like Scooby-Doo.
10. Bye: Complete with waving
There are more such as animal sounds and whatnot, but I can't remember all of them as I am typing this up.

I love my two boys so much! They are such a blessing to me every day! And I am so grateful that I get to be their mother. I learn so much from the way that they act. Liam is a very loving older brother and will come and give Duncan kisses, and he'll want to hold him and have him sit next to him. And when Duncan is crying Liam tries so hard to give him his binky, or he'll come grab my hand and point at Duncan to tell me to take care of it. As curious and mischievious as Liam is he is equally loving and sweet. He's like my sour patch kid- first he's sour, then he's sweet. I have come to find the differences in Liam and Duncan's personalities the more Duncan grows. Liam has always wanted more freedom to do what he wanted. When I would put him down for tummy time he would immediately wiggle and move until he rolled over at four weeks. When Duncan goes down for tummy time, he immediately finds his thumb and just falls asleep. Duncan is more chill about everything whereas Liam is very excited. Liam hated to be held and Duncan hates it when he's not being held. It's amazing to me how children who are created by the same two people can have such different personalities.

Jon and I are doing awesome! I spend all my time talking about our kids that I rarely mention us anymore! Jon is doing really well in school, I couldn't be more proud of him. He's getting to where the light is visible at the end of the tunnel and he only has about a year left before he has his bachelors! What an amazing accomplishment for my dear husband.
And me? I'm doing really well! I am tired most of the time and there was about a week of pure physical and emotional exhaustion that had hit, but I'm pretty much over it and we are persevering! I was really afraid that I was going to have to deal with PPD again this time around, but this experience has been much different. I've been able to exclusively breastfeed Duncan and I am loving it! It's hard and frustrating at times, because there have been so many times where I want to do something but I have to put it on hold so that I can feed Duncan for forty minutes, but it's so completely worth it! Duncan is doing really good at eating for twenty minutes on one side, relaxing for about a half hour and then eating for another twenty minutes on the other side and then he will sleep for anywhere between 5-6 hours. I'm getting anywhere between 6-7 hours at night and I can usually get a nap in during the day when Liam takes his nap.
Now that summer is here, I have been having my nephew Scot come over and just play with Liam and keep him entertained, and I've been able to get some major cleaning done! I spent two days on my kitchen this week (and I'm not even finished!) and I spent a good hour and a half on the guest bathroom. It's so nice to be able to get things done without having to really worry about Liam, I love him but he gets in the way! So it's really nice to have Scot come and help me out!
I also have started working on my scrapbooks again! I had 455 pictures printed off (for$50 I might add!) and I've been going through them. I haven't scrapbooked since Liam's first birthday, and his birthday is next month! That's a whole year of pictures to document! I have worked pretty hard and have gotten all the way up to Duncan's birth done. It was a little hard because Duncan always wants to be held and I can't scrapbook and hold Duncan at the same time- so for my birthday today, Jon and I went and got a MOBY wrap and now I can hold Duncan while still being able to use my hands! I love it- and am actually utilizing it right now! Duncan is fast asleep, it's genius!
Rachel and I also started doing Insanity, and we did it every day for about a week and a half, and then it fizzled. I do it every couple days now, but I know I need to get back into it. I am wanting to lose all of the awful pounds that I gained through Liam's pregnancy, Postpartum Depression and Duncan's pregnancy. Two years worth of weight. I've been better at drinking mainly water and have been really good at walking. It'll take time, I know it. But I'm excited.

Ok, that's enough rambling! Here's some pictures!

Father and son. Simply adorable!

This was a particularly rough day. Liam didn't want to take a nap, but I desperately needed on. So we all piled into mommy's bed!

NEW SUIT!

Playing in Papa's black mustang

Duncan starting to smile

Duncan's smiling!!

Bathtime! Look at that belly!

Duncan is quite the spit up machine. We have a rag everywhere we go!

For Family Home Evening we went to the park and then went and got milkshakes!

My parents got Liam a motorized batman four wheeler. Totally adorable. He can't steer very well but he caught on to how to make it go pretty fast!

Our Mosher clan!

Our Crazy Life Updated!

Our little Duncan has been in our family for two and a half weeks now! We have had quite the experience, and not all of it has been easy. Today was the first day that I was with Liam and Duncan alone, it started out fine, and then slowly it turned into an all out war with Liam and I. He disobeyed, he didn't listen, he didn't follow directions, and when I would start nursing Duncan he would start getting into everything. Jon wasn't even gone all day long, but Liam was being a stinker pretty much all day. When Jon got home, he had been put down for a nap, and I decided to go on a walk. So I loaded Duncan up in the carseat and attached it to the stroller and filled my water mug and we went on a walk around the neighbourhood. It was a much needed break, until I realised that I had walked too far and still had to walk home. I was in a lot of pain when I got home, as good as I feel and as healed up as I felt before, I definitely wasn't completely ready for that big of a walk.

Well, we've had a fun two weeks!

Duncan:
- He is gaining better control of his neck muscles
- He is a very good eater. He loves to nurse and we have officially gotten past the soreness aspect of breastfeeding. We sometimes have issues with the latch and so we have to unlatch and relatch again. But we are getting into the hang of it
- He is really funny because even though I change him before we nurse, he always manages to give out big boy jobs in the middle of nursing
- At his last appointment he was 8 lbs 7 oz. We just have a couple more ounces until he is at birth weight, I just have to take him in this week for another weigh in to make sure that he is up to birth weight
- He is sleeping about 3 1/2-4 hours every night before waking up to eat, and then he will eat about every 2 hours during the day

Liam:
- Is completely and totally busy... all the time... everyday
- We got a gold membership to the Treehouse for him. He is the "member" and we are his grown-ups. He loves the Treehouse! He loves to run around and explore and it is really good for getting some of his energy out
- Jon and I are afraid that he is a bully and frankly we don't know where he is getting this behaviour from. In Nursery, and at the Treehouse he will enter a room and if there are any children anywhere in his general vicinity he will run over and just shove them, or push them, or steal whatever toy they are playing with. It's getting to be a real big problem, Jon and I play interference as much as we can, but he is super fast and we can't always stop him. But we are trying our hardest to get him to stop
- He says several words nonstop now. "Choo Choo", "Oh No!", "Uh Oh", "A-E-I-O-U", and he will Growl on command too. He also will wave and say "bye", and he will blow kisses and give hugs. He is very sweet but he's also a terror. I live those 'Sour Patch Kids' commercials.
- He is very curious and yet at the same time extremely apathetic toward Duncan
- As crazy as he makes me, everytime he flashes that smile at me I just melt. And he knows that

Jon and I:
- I am slowly but surely healing after giving birth two weeks ago. It's a long and arduous process, and I'm ready for the six week healing period to be over, but definitely not ready for my baby to be six weeks old. I am loving and am very stressed out about having another newborn. It's not the same as with Liam, because not only do I have this brand new baby and myself to really take care of during the day, I have an almost two year old to care for as well. It's a whole new experience being the mother to two children. I love them both, but I honestly don't know how mothers of more than two do it! But Liam is so busy that he probably counts as multiple children just by himself.
I am getting excited to go back to the school to get into the last week and half of Aladdin. They open next Thursday! I am getting super stoked for them, and I am just hoping that it all comes together really well and that there aren't many things that are needing fixing musically wise. It's been nice to have a break to heal a bit, but I am very ready to get back into working with the kids and to see them grow and see the excitement of being on stage and having the show truly come together. It's been a little rough because some of the kids have not been very disciplined, but that's one of the things that we need to teach them.

- Jon, as per usual, has been getting the high score in all of his classes! We are so proud of him and of how hard he is working! He will be done with all of his classes/finals next Wednesday and then the semester will be over. Then, we will finally have him all to ourselves for just a little bit before he jumps back into Summer Semester. He has officially started the outside chores and mowed and edged the lawn this past week! Our house looks pretty good! He took Liam to the Treehouse this past Saturday, which was wonderful, because I was able to stay home and take a much needed nap with Duncan. And he took Liam and ran around with him and played with him and ran interference with him and poor, unsuspecting children who could have been his next victim.

Duncan's Birth Story!

I am so pleased to announce that our newest addition made his arrival a week ago! I've been meaning to write down the story, but this week has flown by!
I had been feeling a lot of pain for awhile, especially when walking. The baby was hanging out way low in my pelvis and it was causing major sharp pains up my tummy. The baby had also slowed down his movements considerably so at my last prenatal appointment I told my doctor that and so we did a non-stress test and then decided that baby was better out than in. He was also measuring over 8 pounds and so we decided to induce. My appointment was on the Monday and my induction was scheduled for the Thursday.
That week flew by it seemed! Then it was Thursday, we woke up and spent the day together before heading to the hospital. Jon and I decided that we would deliver at Davis this time around because of our horrible experience at McKay Dee. I was feeling really antsy and nervous and scared. I was terrified that we were going to have a similar experience as McKay Dee. I didn't know what it was like to have a normal delivery, because with Liam, I missed out on all of the normal firsts that women get to experience: the first cry, holding them for the first time, feeding them, getting to snuggle with them whenever I wanted. I also had lost so much blood that I was so exhausted and just completely drained of everything. To say that I was nervous would be an understatement.
We arrived at the hospital and they placed Cervadil to start contractions and to "ripen" the cervix. I had until midnight until I wasn't allowed to eat anything and so Jon ran to the store so that I could have apples and carmel and carrots- don't ask, I was still pregnant at that point. Jon got back to the hospital at about 11:30 pm, it was like the most romantic "Cinderella" story ever, and I was able to have my last pregnancy craving!
Jon pulled out the daddy couch/bed and we turned out the lights. At about two in the morning is when I noticed the contractions growing in intensity. They weren't very close together, but when they hit it was uncomfortable. I was starting to groan when they would hit, and Jon in the middle of his sleep shushed me once. I was taken aback and asked him what he just said to me, but he didn't answer because he was asleep. I finally managed to get a couple hours sleep even though I was not feeling too great, I kept thinking to myself- "why am I doing this again?". The next morning the nurse came in and took out my Cervadil and ran a bath so that I could soak for a bit before they would start the Pitocin. I was then started on my Pitocin and that's when the real waiting game began. My doctor came over to visit, and was going to break my water, but decided against it at that time because he wanted me to dilate a bit more than what I was at.
Because the contractions were growing in intensity and getting closer together, Jon started rubbing my feet. These contractions were starting to be quite painful, and I was trying really hard to breathe through them and to relax as much as I could. I was not sure if I was going to get the epidural at this point in time or not, so I was trying to not focus on them at all. I would squeeze the bed rail and close my eyes and breathe really hard and focus on Jon rubbing my feet. In the middle of one of these contractions Jon oh so lovingly and sarcastically said, "you are so beautiful in this moment". I promptly told him to shut up. Then later, I felt the beginning of the contraction and it subsided for just a moment before another one started, Jon looked at the contraction monitor and decided that that was the perfect time to give me a play by play of what I was feeling and said, "you just had two contractions on top of each other!" as I was still trying to recover from the two on top of each other I thanked him for letting me know what I was feeling. This was also the moment that I decided that I was going to get an epidural. We let the nurse know that I wanted my epidural then, and Jon being the mathematician that he is, started using all of these math terms saying that he could predict when the next contraction was going to happen, the strength of it, and all of these other things about it. At the time all I could think was, "I can tell you when the next one is going to come. I don't need math for that."
The nurse and the anesthesiologist came in and gave me my epidural, and then all of a sudden all of the annoying comments Jon had been making were hilarious to me! I was feeling super after getting my epidural! The doctor eventually came back to the hospital and broke my water, and then he decided that he was going to wait at the hospital because he was so sure that I would deliver within the next couple of hours. Ha! My body likes to have long labors-the joke was on him. He went home and then I continued to contract. Quite happily and without pain. Later in the night my parents came up to the hospital and Jon and dad were analyzing my contractions monitor. My mother was really funny and said that it seemed like I was cheating somehow in the whole child birth thing. It gave us a good laugh.

I had to get oxygen because the baby's heartrate kept dropping. I really look much worse than I actually was.

My epidural started wearing off just a little bit, and I was able to feel some discomfort in my lower abdomen, but I was also starting to feel the pressure to push so I didn't want to push my button to get more epidural juice so that I would be able to feel when I needed to push. I told Jon that he needed to go tell the nurse that I was feeling like I needed to push, so he went and told her and she came in to check my dilation progression. I was at a 10 and it was almost time, so she went to call my doctor. He came up to the hospital and they had everything ready for me to push! Which was different than McKay Dee, because even though I had been in labor for 38 hours there and it was no surprise that I was having a baby, they didn't seem prepared at all for me to push.
Dr. Johnson got up to the hospital and started getting dressed to deliver our baby! They put my legs in the stirrups and the nurse started coaching me on how to push. Dr. Johnson said that because there had been some meconium in the water when he broke it earlier he was going to tell me to stop pushing once the head was out so that he could clear the airways before I delivered the rest of his body. They waited for the next contraction and told me to push, so I pushed and I delivered the head, the nurse promptly raised her eyebrows and said, "well, you know how to push!" Dr. Johnson cleared the baby's airway and my baby let out the most beautiful sound that a mother can hear! He gave a good hearty cry, and after not having that moment with Liam it was such an amazing experience! This baby was born after 26 hours of labor and two pushes, it was so fast that the woman who was supposed to write down time of birth actually missed the birth; he was 8lbs 9oz and 21 inches long. Dr. Johnson looked up at Jon and asked him if he wanted to cut the cord to which Jon said no, the doctor seemed a little taken aback that Jon had refused, so he offered me the scissors to which I promptly said no, and so he turned to my mother- who also said no. So Dr. Johnson went back to Jon and so Jon did his fatherly duty and he cut the cord, which was also a first that he didn't have the chance to do with Liam. He handed the baby over to the nurses who started cleaning him up and measuring him and weighing him and doing all the tests they do when baby's are first born. The nurses told Jon to go over to where they were so that he could take pictures of what was going on. So he went over to get pictures taken of our new baby boy!

My cute newborn, who also looks a little like Rocky Balboa after a fight...

After the excitement had ended, they handed me my baby and let us be for about an hour, just us, as a family.

My first picture with our baby!

Jon and I with our to be named Duncan

Jon, looking incredibly attractive, with our sweet wee Duncan

It was a wonderful experience. One that I will never forget! I was able to breastfeed him for the first time and he latched on wonderfully and was a very vigorous eater. The nurses eventually came back in and took our baby so that he could be bathed for the first time. Jon went with them as I was moved onto a gurney to be taken to my recovery room.
A nurse eventually came in to help me to the bathroom, and then she told me that I had to go to the bathroom twice before they could take out my IV so that they could monitor my bleeding because of my hemorrhaging during Liam's delivery. If I started to hemorrhage they would need to administer medicine to stop the bleeding. The IV was starting to hurt and itch my hand and so I wanted it out! I drank so much water within that next hour so that I could get the nurse in to help me to the bathroom and I could get my IV taken out. It was quite an experience.
Jon and I had been thinking about several names but when he was born and I looked at him NONE of them fit! We were looking at so many names and he didn't look like any of the names that we had looked at; until Jon said the name Duncan. I looked at our son and it clicked!
He is such a good little baby, and I am so grateful for the wonderful experience we had at Davis. There were a lot of firsts that I didn't get to have at McKay Dee, but I am so happy that we had such a good time this time around.

It's been a week and I am still so in love with the newest member of our family! Liam has reacted pretty well to having a new little guy around. He reacts to change well. We are a happy family and I am so pleased to have my boys around!

Patience is a Virtue

Patience is a Virtue

Possess it if you can

Always in a Woman

Never in a Man

I'm pretty sure that, much like the sayings that Pregnancy and Childbirth are beautiful, this verse was penned by a man.... who was gone all day long, and didn't see his children act out during the day, or when they were born was out in the waiting room, or out of the room completely with cigars with his buddies. 

I've learned a lot about patience in this past 20 months that Liam has been alive. I've also learned that I barely have enough to survive the day lately. Patience is something that I've really had to work at, I always thought that I was a pretty patient person, and I'm pretty sure that, like most things, God laughed and said "well, here's your test". Liam is full on a toddler now. He will be 2 in four months. That time called "terrible twos" should be changed to "terrible 10 months to what feels like forever" Terrible Two's is just a pretty alliteration, that's the only reason it's called that. 

Liam first started throwing tantrums when he learned how to walk efficiently, he took his first steps at nine months, but didn't feel comfortable cruising until about ten months. That's when his whole world of independence shifted. Suddenly, he didn't need mommy to pick him up to go anywhere, and he certainly didn't have to waste time with that crawling nonsense anymore. I remember thinking how excited I was that he could walk.... that excitement was short lived. Lately, Liam has been pushing boundaries to see how far he can go before he gets in trouble. He doesn't really talk yet, but I'm not all that concerned. My friend Rachel asked about his hearing and I know he can hear, because from wherever he is, if he is doing some dastardly deed, the second he hears you approaching he will immediately run away. No, his hearing is excellent indeed. He's just a stinker half the time now. 

Today, I was feeling really run down and quite emotional, but that's to be expected being 8 months pregnant and still having to keep up with a very active child. Liam didn't listen to pretty much anything I said today; let me rephrase that- he listened, because he would acknowledge, then he would do the complete opposite of what I asked him to do or he just kept doing what he was doing. I was drowning in my frustration today. Finally, after all day of him hearing me and then pushing his boundaries he had had about three time outs, got yelled at twice and swatted on the leg once. I feel like I've been doing a really good job at being patient with this child, but today was really my off day. I pray everyday that Heavenly Father will bless me with patience, and usually I do really awesome. Today.... not so much. Sometimes being patient takes longer than I want it to, and doesn't get Liam to listen, so I have to yell at him. I hate doing it. Every. Single. Time. But sometimes I feel like it is the only thing that will get him to pay attention and follow directions. 

I hate admitting that I have problems. I hate admitting that I feel overwhelmed sometimes. I hate admitting that I'm not the perfect "make cookies and have a clean house Mormon" mom. Truth is, I struggle, not all the time, because like I said earlier I pray for patience every day; and most days God helps me through and I am able to have wonderful days of patience and nothing Liam does annoys me. But then there is the one day out of all the good ones that remind me that I really cannot do this without my God's help. 

After Liam went to bed and I recanted the days events, I just cried and cried and cried. In fact, I'm wanting to cry as I write this. I love Liam so incredibly much that it emotionally pains me when I get angry with him. Because like I mentioned earlier, he turns 2 in four months. He is not even two. That is something that I have to constantly be reminded of. I'm sure he is so frustrated at the fact that he doesn't talk and so he can't really communicate with me other than the head nods, points and babbles. All of the stress, frustration, emotions, hormones from the past little bit finally accumulated and I couldn't push them away anymore. I had a slight emotional breakdown. Which, I'm sure when Jon heard from the other room freaked him out. But he was very sweet and put a pause on homework to come and comfort me and to give me words of encouragement. I really married a wonderful man, and I am so grateful that I have him by my side. Then, came the guilt. I have to admit, I haven't felt like I did tonight for a good long while. I think it was a reminder of how I took my relationships for granted during my Postpartum Depression. I felt guilt because there are so many women who do parent alone, and who are single mothers- without help, encouragement, support or guidance. I'm lucky enough that I have so many people in my life who do give me these gifts every day, and tonight was kind of a reminder to keep the lines of communication open. Because it is ok to cry. It is ok to feel run down. It is ok to feel overwhelmed. It's not ok for me to hide those feelings from those who are closest to me, because they really have my best interest in mind and want more than anything for me to be ok. 

Those are my thoughts from the past couple of days. It's always interesting to hear other people compliment you on something that you don't feel like you are doing very well. Liam and I went and visited Jon's grandma and during our stay she mentioned how patient I was with Liam. That took me off guard for a moment, because I feel like I'm not very patient with him- hence me praying for patience everyday. I definitely know that God hears and answers prayers, because even the simple act of being more patient with my child is becoming easier. Even if I feel like I'm not very good at it yet. I just know that I love my little boy so much and that I really do need to work on being the best mommy I can, and not stress so much about the little things that honestly don't matter. He's curious, he's adventuresome, he's a handful. And it's ok for me to not know exactly how to handle things. That's why I have an awesome mom who will send me encouraging texts, and a wonderful husband who will put his things on hold to comfort me. And a little boy, who still gives me loves and kisses after I've gotten short with him, and will pat my back as if to tell me that all is well and that he holds no grudge or malice of any sort with me. I truly am blessed. 

My favourite scripture since finding out that I was pregnant with Liam has been:

“And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive.

“And see that ye have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works”

 (Alma 7:23–24).

Patience is not always in a woman, it has to be constantly worked on. 

Men need to stop writing false statements on things that pertain to women.