Ticking Time Bomb!

Ok, so I have not blogged for a freakishly long time. So I probably should blog a little bit before the baby comes.
I am 39 weeks pregnant with my due date being next Wednesday! Hopefully he comes before his due date, especially considering that some girls who are due after me have already had their babies. It's like the whole how people who were finding out the sex of their child who weren't due til way after me thing. Yeah... super annoying, more of just frustration though. Liam is getting super cramped up in my belly and I am sure that the uncomfortableness is not just on my part.

I personally feel like I am some sort of ticking time bomb. Every ache, pain, twinge, stab, pressure makes me wonder if this is the real deal and if it's time yet. For about a week I would wake up at about two in the morning and have steady, consistent contractions for about an hour and then as soon as I was about to wake up Jon to take me to the hospital they would subside. It was as though the child in my belly was taunting me with it. I can already sense part of Jon in him which is totally crazy but so true.

With the end of this pregnancy being so close there are some things that I am excited for and then there are some things that I am terrified for.

•  I am NOT scared for the labor and delivery of my baby, I have chosen to forgo having an epidural. I don't want to not have control over my body, and with the epidural it makes everything waist down entirely numb, and I do not want to have that feeling. I am ok with other ways to ease the pain, but I really do not want an epidural.

•  I AM scared for recovery, and not necessarily the recovery of my body, but I'm more concerned with the recovery of my mind. So many women get post partum depression and that is one thing that I am terrified more than anything for. When I first got on birth control I was using the pill. I took it religiously every day, but it messed with my hormones and my mind. After about a month of using it I was not myself, I was angry and was so easily offended, I would cry at the drop of a hat, Jon and I had constant bickers, and eventually the pill made me so self conscious. I would wait for Jon to go to sleep and then I would just cry and cry because I just had no self esteem anymore. I felt completely hopeless and I felt like I wasn't worth anything to anybody, and one night Jon woke up in the middle of me crying and he made me promise that I wouldn't take my next dose of birth control. Within the next couple days I felt so much better and I wasn't so depressed as my hormones leveled out and made me not feel totally worthless. That is what I'm afraid of. I have never been a depressed person, I've always known that I was worth something and I have never once thought that things would be better if I weren't around, and to have those feelings was the worst thing ever; I never want to feel like that again. So even though it might not happen, just the fact that postpartum depression COULD happen is what makes me scared.

• I am NOT scared to be a mom because I know that instincts will kick in and that I have so many people around me who have been in this situation who will be more than willing to help me out.

• I AM scared that people will completely go against what I want and do what they want and what they think should happen to my baby. I am more scared for them in this situation. This is Jon's and my child and I will not sit around and be talked down to because we have chosen a different way of raising him than they would have or have done.

I'm also nervous to have people come to my house... I know that it will be really nice to have them come and help me out, but I don't want people coming over just to hold the baby and have me feel like I need to entertain them somehow. If they are going to help- great, then I will have no problem having them hold my baby, but if they are just coming over to hold him then I'm not going to be happy. Also, I'm scared to have people come over and then not know when to leave. It's much easier going to see people because then you can go super easily, but it's not so easy getting people to leave your own home. Jon and I had even discussed not allowing visitors for the first couple days when I get home because we want to have time to bond with our baby and come up with our own little schedule. And if people are coming in and out and holding him and wanted to change him and stuff he's gonna get confused, I have NO problem whatsoever with people holding him and getting to know him, but I really want to have a chance to bond with my baby on my own without people interfering. This is a big change for us, and I want to be able to transition as smoothly as we can into it.

With all of this being said, I am really excited to bring this new life into this world. It still amazes me whenever I look at my belly and I can see him moving, to think that Jon and I made this little creature and that he is going to be ours to love forever. Jon is going to make a FANTASTIC father, we've talked about all the things that they are going to do together, and our son is so lucky because he has a best friend without even having to search for one. Jon is so excited to do all the cool father-son things, and I am excited to watch them together and watch them grow. I can just imagine all of the scrapbook pages I'll be able to make with my two boys. I feel so young, probably because I am, but I think about how fast time goes. It seems like only yesterday that I was a little girl playing in my room with my barbies.

Well, the next post will most likely be after the baby is born. So keep checking up on that cause I'll probably put pictures up.... if I'm not too lazy or tired. 

Test Run!

So the other night I was having a really bad stomach ache. It lasted for about two hours and then I started cramping and then my back started hurting and came in waves. Dealing with one or two, not a big deal, but when all three started happening that's when I started to worry. So I called the on call doctor and they told me to go to Labor and Delivery. I wasn't in as much pain as I thought labor pains would be, and so I didn't think that I was in labor but to be safe we went. The look on Jon's face when I told him that we needed to go to the hospital was giddiness. So we grabbed our hospital bags just in case and got in the car. Realizing halfway to the hospital that I didn't have my ID with me, so a quick call to Matt and Rachel happened because they are about five minutes away from our house.
We got to the hospital and went straight up to L&D and they took us back to the triage where they hooked me up to monitors to check for contractions- which so happened to stop on our way to the hospital... and a fetal heartbeat monitor to make sure Liam's heart was doing that whole beating thing. Everything was perfect, she then checked me and I have officially dilated!!! WHOO!!! I am at a whole 1 centimeter! 9 more to go until this baby will come out.
But it's good to have a test run before the baby actually gets here! And now, we are ready for the real deal. Being 37 weeks... it can happen any time!!

Birthday Post!

Well, my birthday came and went. It's always an interesting thing to wake up on your birthday, a day that is reserved for you. Jon and I usually do some really fun things for birthdays, but it was more difficult this year with me being as pregnant as I am. I originally wanted to go to the zoo, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to walk around as fast or as comfortably as I usually would, so that is going to be reserved for when I am not pregnant.
I woke up the day of my birthday and Jon went to work, I managed to sleep in a little longer than I normally would. Then my doorbell rang and it was the guy to come and fix our air conditioner. It's been so hot lately, and of course on the hottest days of the year our a/c decided that it was going to stop working. Monday we came home from my mum's house and it was 88 degrees in our house. This was at about 9 at night, and it was colder outside than it was inside our house at this point. Now, before I was pregnant that wouldn't have been that big of a deal, but with me being essentially a slow cooker for a child I was miserable! So to have the a/c guy come on my birthday was probably one of the best presents ever- not that it really mattered, because it ALWAYS rains on my birthday. Every year, without fail, it has rained on my birthday, so by the time the a/c was fixed and kicking in, it had already dropped to lower temperatures and it was almost too cold inside.
After the a/c guy was done, my mum, Scot and I went and met Jon for lunch at our new favourite little restaurant: Souties. It's a British/South African restaurant that has the look, feel and presence of England. Everything in there reminds me of being across the pond. And it makes me miss it so much more. Jon and I are definitely going to be saving up so that we can go back.
Mum dropped me off at home and I managed to do some homework and take a nap, then when Jon came home he took me to the mall and I got a pedicure, and it was probably one of the most needed things for me! Not only because I can't bend over to do anything to my toes, but because it was so relaxing, and for an 8 1/2 month pregnant chick, everything hurts... all the time. My back, legs, tummy, everything! After my pedicure, Jon and I were going to go to see a movie but I didn't feel up to it, and so we came home and watched Ever After and just snuggled on the couch. It was nice and relaxing. And I was completely content. Now I just have to plan out Jon's birthday... :) because I won't be pregnant then anymore.

Jon's new Blog

Hey everyone, this is Jon. I know I don't post on here much, I just wanted everyone to know about a new blog I'm working on, its called New Dad Experience, its for new dads, and this thing we call "Fatherhood". Send all new daddies there to help get the site going!
http://newdadexperience.blogspot.com/

Thanks everyone!