"I'll try to be the same"
"The same as what?"
"The same as those people who are not different"
The saying that we are our own worst critic is so completely true! I know that I am my own worst critic, at all times. Right now, my upstairs is looking amazing! I'm doing really good at keeping it clean (except my room.... that's a whole new story), unfortunately the basement has become the latest disaster area. I try really hard to clean it at least once a week, but I've learned that keeping areas clean with an active toddler is like cleaning up splatter from an open, running blender. I am proud of myself for keeping upstairs clean, but then the overpowering negative thoughts blare through and I feel pretty crappy about not keeping the basement clean. When I was going through the postpartum depression, I wouldn't have even given the clean upstairs a second thought (probably because it wasn't ever clean...) and all that would be on my mind would be the nagging feeling that I wasn't being a good housewife because I wasn't keeping a clean house. Now that I'm over the PPD, I give myself credit for what I have done, and I remind myself that while the basement is a mess, I have worked really hard to keep the upstairs clean. I have reached a whole new milestone as well in my life: I asked my mother for help. For those of you who know me, you'll know that that really is quite a big deal! I am a very proud person, and I don't like to ask for help, because I feel like I should be able to do things by myself. This was one thing that when I was going through the PPD that was extremely difficult for me. I remember feeling so stressed with Liam even though I did have help from Jon and my mother, and then I would feel guilty for feeling so stressed because there are women out there who are single mothers who are wonderful parents and can do it all without the amount of support or help that I had/have. But the other day, I texted my mom and I asked her if she could come and vacuum corners for me because I have officially gotten to the point that bending over is a struggle. We had a wonderful time! She came over and she vacuumed corners for me, and then she helped me clean Liam's room by bending over and picking up his toys and books that he takes out to play with when he doesn't want to go to bed right away. It was actually really fun to work along side her.
Now getting to the original part of being the same as those who are not different. The other day, I was reading blogs of other friends of mine, and one in particular mentioned having the same type of feelings that I do about keeping a clean house, and basically with goals in general. It was a huge wake up call to me because it made me realize that I really am not alone, and I am really not all that different. There are so many friends of mine that get on Pinterest all the time and I know that if I were to get onto Pinterest I would be super addicted, I also am not a fan of those type of websites because for me, it's hard to see all of the "perfect" things that people do. Most people don't put down the difficult things or hard things for them, they like to show off all of the wonderful things that they do. Which there is nothing wrong with, at all! But for me, I immediately think to myself, "why can't I do something that awesome?!" so it's just a lot better for me to not have the temptation there. I am really grateful that I came to the realisation that I am not alone in the world though, and that I am not alone in my strife for a clean home!
Things are going really well for us! Liam is quite the rambunctious child and he is definitely a toddler, because he wants to get into absolutely everything! His latest fascination is the bathroom. I don't know what it is about the bathroom, but he loves coming into the bathroom with me whenever I do anything. He makes me want to laugh and pull my hair out all at the same time! I get done doing my hair and makeup and then it's time to leave the bathroom and he throws a full on tantrum because we are getting out of the bathroom. It's ridiculous! Last night, Liam managed to get out of his room by pushing down the baby gate and he went into our bathroom and decided that it was in need of a cleaning. He had taken all of the toilet paper off of the roll, and he took the toilet brush and decided that not only did the toilet need a cleaning, but the walls... and the shower... and the counter... and himself... The worst part about this is the fact that Jon and I were both downstairs at the time and so we had absolutely no idea that any of this was happening. I had to go upstairs to get more water and saw that his gate was down, let me tell you that nothing strikes more fear in your heart in knowing that your child is not where they should be and that you really don't know where they are. But Liam came and found me and took me into the bathroom and showed me, quite happily, all the "cleaning" he had done. He was clapping for himself and smiling, and it was so cute to see him so proud of himself. So we had a little chat about how cleaning the bathroom is something he has to wait for mommy to help with, Jon came upstairs and took him to clean him up while I cleaned up the bathroom.
The other exciting news that we have is that Jon's diploma from SLCC came in the mail today! He officially has an Associates of Science! We are so excited! It is the first of many diploma's to come and I could not be more proud of him and of all the hard work that he is doing to provide for our family! The other day, he was sent an email stating that he was the recipient of two scholarships! I love that he is working so hard, and I love that he is being recognized for all of his hard work. There are days that are really difficult for me, because even though he is home, I still don't really get to see him because he is in his office working on his homework. I have to remind myself that he is working so hard for us, and that there will come a time that I will see him whenever I want, but for now, he has to lock himself away in his office to finish his homework! It WILL be worth it in the end! I just have to remind myself of that now.
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