Oh the adventures....

Well, today has been interesting to say the least. I love being a Stay at Home Mom!! I love seeing Liam do all these cute things that I would miss out on if I were going to the campus for my schooling. I love being with him! Today, he tested that love. He woke up a full 45 minutes before he usually does, I've recently been hit with waves of insomnia, and can't fall asleep til about 3:30 in the morning right now. I went into his room to pick him up and immediately could smell that he was packing a pretty full diaper........ little did I really just how full that diaper was! I picked him up and realized that his entire back was covered with the foul waste of my child. I set him down on the changing table and knew that wipes couldn't handle this torpedo of disgustingness... So we went into the bathroom and I just hosed him down. Then it was BATH TIME! Oh my crazy little boy.... I'm still wondering how a tiny human can make such a mess! Seriously, it was a lot!

His huge toothless grin!!

Pantomime resting on Liam resting on me.

He loves to grab things and stand up!

Him playing on our bed!

February he is 7 months!

A bit blurry, but his hair is long enough that I can style it now!

For Not Believing in God, You Sure Obsess Over Him A Lot....

I most likely will not keep this post up for long, but it's about something that drives me crazy and I'm needing to vent about it.
I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Did I choose my religion? No, I was born into it. Have I chosen to remain a member? Yes, I have chosen to remain faithful and active in my religion- therefore its essentially the same as my choosing of my religion. There are some people who have not stayed active and have chosen something different for their lives. Some of my family has, some of Jon's family has, I'm pretty sure that everyone has at least one member of their family choose not to be a part of whatever religion they were born into.
Here is my rant: I don't want atheism shoved down my throat or some inconsiderate person telling me that I am not as intelligent as they are because they have chosen to forgo religion in their lives. Just the same as atheists don't want religion shoved down their throat or someone judging them for choosing to forgo religion. Most adults are considerate of others choices, and just because I may not agree with someone else's choice doesn't mean that I am going to judge them for that. Because I am an adult and understand that it is not my life and I don't care.
When a religious person stands up for their beliefs against an atheist they are considered rude, hateful, judgmental, close-minded, and are seen as a bigot. But when an atheist stands up for their beliefs they it's considered using their freedom of speech. So you are atheist and don't believe in a higher power. Good for you..... Do you want a cookie?
I believe in my God and I don't care if you do or don't. And for you being so sure there is not a God, you sure spend a lot of time obsessing over Him.
The Oatmeal made a comic about sucking at your religion, and it's pretty funny for the most part- til the end where he says to keep your religion to yourself. The same should go for atheism. You're atheist? Great! Keep it to yourself.

But I'm the religious one writing this so I'm automatically judgmental, close-minded and am considered a bigot because I don't want your atheism shoved down my throat.

Does anyone else see the backward logic in this?

The End is Near

When I was born, my father was stationed in England, and we lived in a house called The Timbers. Our house was in the middle of the woods, and our driveway was so long that the rubbish men refused to come get our rubbish bins from us and my brothers had to take it up the driveway. Our driveway was also covered with tree's, so dense that they covered the driveway completely in a tunnel of greenery. If you stood at the bottom of the driveway and looked back it looked like a dark tunnel with a tiny circle of light at the end. After fighting my mental self for the past six months, I am beginning to see the light at the end of my dark tunnel. I am having more good days than bad and when a topic comes up that used to put me in tears I just simply don't care. And believe me apathy is a much better emotion to feel toward the thoughts that would tear me down. It's like in elementary school when the boys would tease me, all they wanted was a reaction, and as long as I gave them that reaction they would pursue teasing me. But once I just didn't care, it wasn't fun for them anymore. That's how I'm starting to feel, I'm starting to feel like Satan is trying to get a rise out of me with the negative thoughts and feelings, but I'm not giving in and giving a reaction. I'm starting to feel immune to the thoughts that pop up in my head. I'm also starting to battle them back. I feel like I've got my self back!

There have been a lot of things that have gotten me back on track, and I would be truly ungrateful if I didn't mention them.
First is my wonderful husband. Even though I get exasperated with Jon sometimes when he's acting like the elementary school boys, I love him more than he will ever know or realize. He said something the other day that was truly profound; as we were discussing love and Liam, I mentioned how Liam probably doesn't understand love as the emotion, he just knows that I am the one to give him food, snuggles, change him, bathe him, dress him and do all of the things that he needs me to do. I sent this message: Just because you are dependent on someone doesn't mean you love them. Love is a chosen emotion when you are old enough to understand the feeling. To which my fabulous husband responded with: or maybe children understand the concept perfectly, forget it as they get older, and we spend the rest of our lives relearning what love is. Maybe as adults we want to quantify the unquantifiable. ~~~~~~~ holy chalupa! I really sat back and thought about his statement, I believe he is totally on to something there! Christ taught us that we need to be childlike, and I cannot think of any other attribute that sums up children perfectly. I watch my sweet baby boy, and he has no malice toward anyone, he is so loving of everyone, even random strangers who are sitting at another table, or pew, or bench. He always smiles at everyone and makes friends everywhere and that is an attribute that I really need to internalize and put into practice.
Next is my mother. She is the most amazing woman I have ever known. I know plenty of women say that about their mothers but I am dead serious. I love her more than anything, and I strive to emulate her in my role as a mother. She has always been my rock, and that person that I can always talk to. No matter what it is about, she is always there to listen. She is always willing to watch my son, so that if I need some time with Jon I can have it. She is one of my biggest supporters and I know that I can always count on her to listen and give me help with any topic or question. She is the first person I call when there is a problem, and she is the first person I talk to when I have a story to tell. My mom is simply the best.
After that is Rachel, I honestly don't know what I wouldn't do without my best friend. She is awesome. I love having our talks and being able to talk about anything..... and I mean ANYTHING! Rachel and I are always up to talking about the random, the crazy, and the fun! She is so good to my baby and Liam just positively loves his Auntie Rachel and Uncle Matt!
Finally, there is my sister and the Garcia's Girls. We have a blast every week, and it has really helped me shift my focus to the wonderful things that there is in life. I look forward to Garcia's nights every week, and it has really helped my mental state to be able to go to a place where I don't have to be perfect, or on top of things. I can relax and just be me. I don't have to worry about the faux pas of the world. It has been an amazing mental release of all of the built up anger that I had toward myself being with the awesome women of our Tuesday Nights Get Togethers.

I'm beginning to see the wonderful in life again, I'm starting to wake up and be excited about what I'm going to do that day. I've noticed that I'm not so quick to anger or annoyance or frustration, and that everything happens and I feel like I'm becoming more lax about everything and I can feel that I am not so uptight as when I was in my dark days. The days seem brighter and I feel lighter in my mood.

I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father has heard my prayers and is starting to give me the ability to fight back. He was keeping my stable and keeping my head above water-metaphorically speaking- but now I am starting to feel like I'm closer to getting back to my normal self. I know that He hears our prayers and that He answers them in His own time. I am so grateful that I have been blessed with wonderful friends, family and husband who have supported me and been there for me when I was feeling down. I don't know what I would do without The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in my life. I love where Jon and I are right now, Jon will finish at SLCC in August and then it will be 1 1/2 until he graduates with his Bachelors. I am SOOOO proud of him! He is an amazing husband and amazing supporter of our family. I have been so blessed that I was able to kneel across the alter of the Holy Temple and be sealed to him, and have our children sealed to us, for time and all eternity.

Those are my thoughts from today. Just a small update!

Blah!

We moved into our house over a year ago. And when we moved, we put all the extra boxes that didn't have a home in the spare bedroom upstairs-lovingly known as "the blue room". I thought that I would be on top of things and clean it out and organize it no problem! Then the months started going by and I started getting bigger and bigger and more tired, because, growing a child is mighty hard work! Then Liam was born and taking care of a child is even harder work! And now finally I've started working on it. Sadly, whenever we didn't know where to put something it went in there. So over this past year we've accumulated even more junk to go in there.
I've been organizing and cleaning and the hardest thing- throwing things away. Jon teases me that one day I'll be on A&E's Hoarders but in all honestly I am a packrat, the creative side of me sees things and thinks "hey! I can use that someday!" someday usually never comes and I'm just stuck with junk! I got an email from my relief society presidency saying that some of the kids in our ward are raising money for their Choir Trip, and the DI has said that for every full bag of donation items they will give $5! So that was my goal today! To go through all of the junk and see what could be treasures for others.
Jon and I managed to fill two and a half garbage bags full of donation items (mainly clothes that used to fit before marriage/baby was oh so good to us!) these are not just the small white garbage bags, these are the huge, black garbage bags that most people use to put raked leaves in. Over the course of the week I've filled three of these garbage bags with rubbish that will go to the dump. The sad part is I am not even half way done!! I'm trying to be ruthless and trying to throw the things away that I know or may even think we might not need but it is so hard!! Wish me luck!

7 month Update!

My little one is now 7 months old! Yikes! Where did the time all go? It really is crazy to think that Liam is only seven months, it feels like he has always been a part of our family, and then the months have flown by! Here is a list of some of the things I have learned the past several months:

1. No matter how prepared you are with diaper and wipes- you will still get peed on
2. It is possible for your newborn to pee, spit up and explosively poop on you all at the same time. And it's only funny when it happens to your husband
3. when you are at church and your newborn spits up all over your sleeve, no matter how much you may try to wipe it off you can still smell spit up and you pray that noone else can smell it. You are also thankful that you play piano in primary and don't have to interact closely with others
4. no matter how many toys your baby may have, nothing beats that plastic wrapper on the floor
5. Everything goes in the mouth, even if it's a random fry on the round and you have to wonder when the last time you had fries
6. Your newborn baby may be fast asleep on you, even snoring- but as soon as you stand up to take him to his crib he immediately wakes up and wants to play
7. When you are so frustrated with your baby because he is mobile and getting into everything while you are trying to do homework he can turn on his charm and just smile ad giggle and you can't help but laugh and smile back at him.
8. Nothing is sweeter than being gone for a little bit and walking in and seeing him smiling at you
9. You fall more in love with your spouse as you go through all of this together

There is plenty more, but this is just a small list of what I've learned.

This month is an exciting one! I am starting up my piano and vocal lessons this month, and I am so excited to start working with my students! It will really be super fun, I really enjoy teaching, and if I didn't suck at theory so much I would want to get my degree in education. I can do the simple stuff no problem, but the really hard theory... yeah not so much.
I also got hired by Alyn to be her music director for Seussical Jr. at Syracuse Jr. High. We just got done with auditions last week, and they were so much fun! I really enjoyed seeing all the young talent, there are some pretty amazing kids! We cast the show and we have a meeting with the cast and the parents today, I am so excited to get started with them!